So… I’ve been putting off getting an official diagnosis for myself but I have had all the reports done for a little while and had been sent a list of telehealth providers so decided to bite the bullet!
I have 2 weeks off at the moment and booked a session this afternoon. I thought it was yesterday and panicked because I didn’t have google chrome on my phone. Thinking it was a voice phone appointment and realising it was a video made me go into a mad panic as I couldn’t bring it up! Then to find that my anxiety over the appointment had to start all over again today because it was in fact at 3pm today!
My psychiatrist’s name was Angela and she was absolutely lovely. We went through my history, including what Rachel (our social worker) had said in her reports to Angela. She went through how I felt about school, my early years, my working years, my addictions, my family history. Everything that basically either made me cry or want to cry! So many things I don’t like to even think about.
Things such as the yellow school room in high school that made me go batty and misbehave, the only room I would be kicked out of. That I was bullied during high school, that I liked hanging out with the boys more than the girls because there was no bullshit and games. That I am too much for some. That I blame myself for everything if there has been something go wrong at work. That I procrastinate and really want to sort my shit out but sit there and think about it instead. That I wake up early in the morning and lie there and can’t stop thinking about EVERYTHING! That I had depression and have had anxiety for as long as I remember. That my brother clearly had aspergers though it didn’t have a label then. That I hate how short tempered I am but I can’t help it. That Paul’s chewing drives me bat shit crazy! That I get addicted to everything, I am an alcoholic, I smoked 2 packs a day and I am a serial dieter, either eating for a diet or bingeing like I am at a kids birthday party. That I interrupt absolutely everybody, which I hate but I have to say what I have to say before I forget!
And… in the end, she said absolutely you have both ADHD and autism. As if it was the most obvious thing in the world! She is passing on my assessment to my doctor and her recommendations for medication to start with. I can speak with her again if I choose but my doctor can now prescribe the medication, after checking my heart etc.
I’m excited actually. There is a reason I am like this and I’m ok with that. But, hopefully medication can help me with my compulsiveness such as overspending and jumping in to things without thinking. I can now forgive myself for being a little bit fucked up! So, welcome to me!!!
