Sorry it’s been so long since I wrote! We had an issue with the computer which meant that I couldn’t access the internet and I’ve been so busy with life that I hadn’t had a chance to get it fixed up. My husband thinks I should just use my laptop but old habits die hard and I prefer to do it this way!
Things with Beth are slowly progressing, hopefully in the right direction! I feel like we are getting some plans in place. She has been going to her equine therapy which she really enjoys. She loves the horses of course and Michelle, the therapist, is so lovely and gentle and calm. Absolutely nothing like me!
I was worried that it might be a bit too ‘fluffy’ for want of a better word, as in that I wonder if she needs more hard core therapy to break these rules she has in her own head, her obsessions and her queen mentality of expecting everybody to do exactly as she wants. I have seen some subtle differences though. Last week she was eating her breakfast and I heard Paul coughing and I thought ‘here we go!’ She didn’t react so I made a point of saying how proud I am of her for not saying anything and she said ‘it’s always worse in the mornings’ which I have been saying for years! Mind you, she’s nagged him about it in the mornings since but if we can at least have that one time that she’s been a bit more understanding then it can repeat. I think recognising it and acknowledging it to her helps too, after all everybody likes to be told they’re doing a good job. And she’s very much about pleasing me.
Having said that, we have had a couple of doozies! Massive meltdowns that are extreme and that have me wanting to run away from home. Insisting that she has things planned with me is a running theme and drives me crazy.
In that vein though, we have (through Michelle, the equine therapist) been put on to a lovely lady called Rachel who is a social worker, who has made me see things in a different light. I’ll be working with her for a while I think. She is amazing and has insights that are so helpful. For example, she said that Beth’s perpetual need to control things is because of how unpredictable life is. Where I would try to punish by taking away Beth’s phone (horrible for all involved so hasn’t happened for a while) it was pointed out to me that her phone, tablet and tv being on is what she can control. She sits in her room with all on at once (my thoughts are also that maybe ADHD is present). Rachel said that Beth can only control a certain amount of things and she feels safe when she can control a situation. It made me realise that it is actually not a good thing to take away her safe item, much as it annoys me that she is on it so much. It also took me back to talks I have been to. Discussing things such as how so many people with autism work as accountants or engineers or other careers that are more about numbers than people. This is because numbers don’t make mistakes. They are not unpredictable. People are. So to be in an environment with words or numbers or games that you know what to do and it won’t be changed due to others choices or behaviours is safe.
Of course I know that compromise is also something that Beth needs to be able to do but a balance of both is also important. Lessening her anxieties which are so high will mean that she can cope with things when they’re not all her way. And giving her coping strategies when they don’t go her way. Rachel also suggested Beth see an occupational therapist to help with regulating her emotions. We are going to discuss maybe getting an ADHD assessment done. More for the fact that the medication she is on will not work effectively if she does in fact have ADHD and the medication for that is what she actually needs. She is on anti depressants but seems miserable much of the time. Which of course is heart breaking as a parent to see.
So I feel that we have some sort of plan in action finally. It’s exciting to know that there will hopefully be some improvement soon, and some enjoyment for life again for my girl!
