My last post regarding parents who don’t have children on the spectrum, but seem to want them Â has clearly struck a nerve in a lot of parents. I’m going to share some of the comments I got when I put the link on Facebook.
M wrote :
It’s a catch 22
You didn’t have to prove to anyone your Beth is on the spectrum but now you have to live with the fact you didn’t have to
My Beth had to go to another specialist because sunshine hospital could not see autism . Funnily enough the second specialist couldn’t believe they did not see it straight away.
The only thing that keeps me saneÂ is , we know what our Beth’s need and that is all that matters because we are the ones that love them through thick and thin .
You are a great mum that is all that matters.
We live with our choices every day . Our Beth’s thrive because we are their mums.Â Concentrate on what you can control . forgetÂ about others who have no idea what it really is to be a mum of a special child!!!!!!
Absolutely M, that is what it’s all about, enjoying our kids for what they are.
C also wrote to me to tell me about her sons :
This is the first time that i have had the desire to contact you as i am so astounded that anyone could want,Â let alone set up their kids to get a diagnosis. i have two boys on the spectrum; 1 a 4yo severe non verbal autistic boy with global delay and a 7 yr old with Aspergers and ADHD.( i have real issues with the attached conditions, but thats another story) Both my kids have major sensory issues that complicate their daily lives.
I, too, have occasions where i doubted myself in having my aspy boy formally diagnosed as i,too, don’t like labels and have had instances where people have not given him a go or chance because he has it.Â (the predudice and uneducated of the world,) and we even had trouble getting him into primary school.
i have had people, too, question my reasons as he is smart or doesn’t look ASD ( oh boy thats my favourite) and like you, not once for his little brother. and yet when he comes out with a one liner or tells it how it is (political correctness, doesn’t exist here)is insensitive to someones situations, melts down over undies or socks/shoes. Wont walk into a social situationÂ Or will not forgive those that have theÂ broken social rules he has formalised. How quickly they forget and see him as a sulky rude boy.
On the overallÂ l am glad we have had the diagnosis, it has given me more patience and a different way of looking at things.( 8/10 meltdowns or arguments are Aspy related the other 2 are him being a 7 year old boy.# i just need to find the trigger*Â I have better understanding of who he is and even who i am. I have believe that as he gets older and into his teens he will he a stronger sense of identity for it, know why he see’s the world and doesÂ the things that he does. Know his weaknesses and have the tools to make a difference.
the extra assistance from the government, that doesn’t get you crap. Not enough for what they really need so why would anyone go thru the anguish for the token pennies.
As for your new friend i found that when you have a new diagnosis it consumes you and you cant help shout to the world but you learn to keep your own council and only when it truly matters (its in your aspy’s best interest) you say anything. And trust your ownÂ judgement, because it is what we do as their parents not what others say that will make difference to the worlds the live in.
I even had my darling Daddy send me one of those lovely emails with pictures and sayings on them, saying his favourite (which was mine too) is “You’re too blessed to be stressed,” good words to live by.
Anyway, enough about that! I just thought it would be good to share how it affects other parents.
Beth’s having a good week this week, she’s enjoying going to school which is a miracle in itself. She’s been doing some really stupid things though which frustrate the hell out of me. She went to see Rise of the Guardians with her dad Paul on the weekend and has decided that she’s in love with Jack Frost. He isÂ kind ofÂ cute! As I didn’t see the movie I don’t know much about him at all but she’s decided that she doesn’t fancy Ethan from Ice Age 4 anymore (just as well, don’t know how we’d fit a mammoth into the house) and wants Jack Frost instead. I of course am supposed to know all about him too. She keeps saying that she can change and be like him, that if she does what he did she can be a guardian too. The other night (just as well she repeated it to me) she was talking about kissing Jack Frost. He must have cold breath. She said they could put their cold breaths together when they kiss! Last night however I was not impressed. Beth went into the kitchen and was ages. It was about 10.30pm and I kept dropping off to sleep so I hadn’t noticed how long she was. She told me she had three glasses of water, then about five minutes later she complained of having a tummy ache. (Apparently Jack Frost drank three glasses of water). Next thing she’d projectile vomited all over the side of the bed, all over the floor and her magazines. Luckily they were old ones and could be chucked out. She knew it was her own fault as she kept apologizing. As a general rule I don’t like the word stupid but I told her it was a stupid thing to do and she agreed.
The other stupid thing she did was a few days ago when she stuck her finger into the cigarette lighter in the car. She knew she shouldn’t do it, she knew it was stupid yet she still did it. My Bill clearly thought I was being a real bitch because he carried her bags in from the car and ran her finger under cold water instead of like me saying “It serves you right for doing such a stupid thing!” She’s nearly 14, when is she going to grow out of these things?!!!