She’s turning 25!!!

I can’t believe that my big girl is turning 25! It’s her birthday on Friday. Trying to figure out things to get her. As usual there’s a few Disney things, some books, and she wanted a milkshake maker. We got her a nintendo switch for Christmas, I hoped it would give us an avenue for getting her games for presents but she’s barely touched it! She loves those ‘for dummies’ books. I got her one for Christmas that she asked for which was raising chickens for dummies. For her birthday she asked for raising goats. Neither of which we are going to do mind you! Though we did when she was little.

On my mind constantly at the moment is where she will live as we get older. If money wasn’t an issue it would be lovely to set up a farm style place which had retired / rejected animals, a retirement farm. Beth would love it. I would love it but I’ll be 60 in 2 years (Paul is already there) and it’s such an impractical thing for us. We really want to retire near the beach, near our friends and where Paul grew up. We could maybe move into a retirement village (over 50s) that had the facilities to look after us when we get older, therefore having the facilities to continue looking after Beth. But, I’ll be honest, I’m not sure I want her living with us forever.

I feel like such a bitch when I say this but it’s true. She’s really hard work and I’m getting tired. While I see all the improvements in my friends kids as they reach adulthood I really don’t see that happening. I know it’s not about comparisons. I’d just be happy to see Beth happy to be honest. She’s not a particularly happy person. She has this hang up about Paul and his coughing (and other noises). She thinks she is the boss. And she’s really hard to be around. The hard thing is though, she has such obsessions about things, it’s not like if she’s not living with us then it’ll stop, she’ll just fixate on something or somebody else. She had a huge meltdown on Sunday and it’s so draining.

I’ve booked her in with the farm stay that she enjoys, in the second week of my 2 week break. I was speaking to my friend Dom about it, about how I’ve strategically done it and I feel a combination of guilt and pure joy that I will have a break when I am at home. She said mum guilt is one of the hardest things!

She’s sick again this week which seems to happen near her birthday each year. So not even sure she’ll get to work tomorrow! She did manage to go out with one of our favourite carers – Tara, here’s a photo of the 2 together. Also one of Beth having a cuddle with a lizard at work. And one of Miss Coco, we went to visit Dom who has Coco’s mother visiting and due to have pups today! Coco’s sister was there too so they had a lovely play, as you can see by her wide maniacal smile!

I’ll leave you with a Beth funny (though it wasn’t funny at the time). On Sunday when having her meltdown, Bill and I were asking her to be quiet as we were trying to watch a movie. Beth said in her high pitched (when she’s being especially painful) voice ‘It’s my birthday week though, you have to treat me like a queen!’ Not sure who she got that from (hint, that would be me!)

About Sarah

Mother of an autistic child wanting to write about my personal experiences
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