We had my youngest daughter Bridie’s birthday on Saturday. As usual we had a treasure hunt for her presents. I write out the clues, Beth and Bill read them out for Bridie and she searches for the presents. The only problem this time was that Bill had hidden one of Bridie’s presents early and he couldn’t remember where. Unfortunately this was the one that Beth had picked out with me to give to her and she was quite distressed that we couldn’t find it.
I still don’t know what’s going on in Beth’s mind. I spoke to our principal last week about her attitude while at Emerson. I know we’ve changed her medication but I know from experience (especially with anti depressants) that they’re not always the right fit. I had been on Zoloft which is what Beth is on and it hadn’t helped me at all. I changed to one called Avanza and it made all the difference. I know of a friend who has said Zoloft was just whatÂ she needed but had a sister who had a bad reaction to it. I don’t want to put everything down to the medication but at the same time I want to make sure that Beth is feeling at her best, and it’s my job to assess whether she is feeling ‘right’ or not. Just as I didn’t know until I did feel ‘right’Â Beth probably wont know either. I spoke with her paediatrician and we agreed to give it another few weeks and see how she goes. I don’t want to base the positive side only on the fact that she’s ok with Oscar the Grouch now. I was so excited by that that maybe I assumed that her anxieties had lessened everywhere. If anything they seem to be increasing.
We had Bridie’s party yesterday, just her and a handful of friends. We went rollerskating which Beth usually loves. Instead she decided she’d be a right cow and as only Beth can do, made damn sure that if she wasn’t going to enjoy it nobody else would either! The food was a measely sausage roll and party pie but as it was timed from 10am – 12noon I wasn’t all that worried about food. I had bought some packets of chips to plump up the offerings and Beth decided that as soon as we got there she wanted to eat them. It went in her usual way of “I want my chips, give me my chips.” I want you to say that out loud in a high pitched voice and elongate it in a singsongy way that takes 2 – 3 times longer than usual. That’s what she sounded like, 10 or so times in a row! And it went on. She wanted water, she wanted to skate, she wanted to sit down. She kept grabbing at the presents that Bridie hadn’t even had a chance to look at yet. They were given in the gift type of bags that you can see what the present it and Beth just kept helping herself. When told to leave them alone she kept saying (in the same voice) “But Bridie has to share, it’s good to share.” In the end any pretence of nice mummy in front of guests went out the window and I told her rather loudlyÂ to shut up. To which of course she replied “Open down Beth, open down!”
Beth’s school camp is on today (Monday) until Wednesday so I have her home with me as she didn’t want to go. She’s happy as Larry to be home with me. That’s all she wants. I get that, I am fabulous after all. It’s nice to stay home watching tv and playing on the computer, who wouldn’t want to do it. Clearly it’s not what she needs though. Next year will be so tough for her, wanting to be so dependant but needing to be independant. It’s going to be tough for me too. Sometimes parenting sucks doesn’t it!