I know now why Beth wanted me to sign her diary yesterday. When I left her at school yesterday she said “Ok Mum, I’ll see you when you pick me up early today.” I explained that she would be earlier than she had ever been at Primary School, that I would be picking her up at 2.45pm. When she brought her diary home I saw that it said in first period for Tuesday, “Dear Miss X, I will be picking Beth up early today, Love (with a heart) Mum xx” I had to explain to Beth that just because she writes it doesn’t mean that it’s true!

When I picked her up yesterday I asked what she did for the day. She told me that she hid in a broom cupboard because she wanted to go home. This was because they were doing PE which she hates. When I asked her if she did PE she told me that she watched so it seems that she got her own way after all.

I had to drop Beth at the other campus this morning because it was a day to sort out their house colours. This meant that we had to be there at 9am instead of 9.15. Beth commented that she thought she was taking Minka to the vets with me as our dog has a bit of an allergy. I said that no, I may take Minka on Saturday morning instead and that way Beth could come to help me if she liked. As we didn’t have the routine this morning we sat in the foyer of the main campus. Beth tried to lay down on the couch but I sat next to her so she couldn’t. Another girl sat down near us and we spoke. She said that she was new too and is in Beth’s class. I tried to suggest that they played together a little bit as she looked as lonely as Beth. I saw her tear up at one point when she saw a girl that I have had my eye on. I asked her if some of the girls had been mean to her and she nodded and wiped her eyes. I told her that it would get better, that it was really hard when you first start high school and that Beth was feeling a bit scared by it all too. She didn’t know where she was supposed to go and was feeling pretty overwhelmed by it all. She had caught the bus and been told to wait in the foyer where we were so I showed her where to go with Beth and off they went. I felt so sorry for her, at least Beth had me there with her, I can imagine how she would have felt in the same situation. It’s horrible starting high school for anybody, let alone anybody with a disability. I think too, in mainstream school there are always girls who like to take charge and look after the different kids but when they’re all different they either don’t really give a stuff or they don’t notice if somebody is out of place.

All my friends kids who have started high school too are either on camp or planning their camps. In mainstream high school they do it early in term one as a bonding experience. I haven’t heard anything about our camp, I’m just hoping that it’s not too soon. I think it would tip Beth over the edge, she has her security with us at home where she can chill out and play her Ipad and nobody gives her crap. I don’t think she could cope with being away just yet. If it was soon I’d want to say no but I don’t want to seem like a neurotic parent either. There has to be a time where I let go and let her try and spread her wings. Still, she’s still only 12 and my mothers instincts are telling me that she’s not ready yet. We’ll have a parent teacher night soon so I’ll see if the subject comes up.

About Sarah

Mother of an autistic child wanting to write about my personal experiences
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