Tuesday morning

I just got back from dropping the kids off at school. On the way home last night Beth had expressed worry about leaving her diary at school. Her Subway lunch order form for tomorrow was in there and there were things that I had to sign also. I reassured her that I would speak to her teacher this morning and fill in her order while I was there. I was pleased that she had acknowledged leaving it at school,  the awareness of expectations is a new thing and the start on the road to independance.

When we got to school this morning we waited in the courtyard for Beth’s teacher to come out. Beth still didn’t seem to know who was in her class or even which building she was meant to be in. I don’t know if it’s because she wanted to be with some other kids, whether she doesn’t care enough to remember or whether she’s still a bit confused and disorientated. When Miss X came out (I don’t want to use her real name) I told her that Beth had left her diary. She said she knew but like me she was pleased that Beth had realised this. She said that she was trying to teach Beth some more independance, she said that Beth will leave her bag wherever and not get her own pens etc. I agreed and said that that’s why we’re sending her there, so that she can get some independance. Miss X seemed pleased at this, that we are both on the same page. She said that yesterday Beth had seemed quite emotional up until recess when she had calmed down and had a good day. When we went into the classroom I had my back to Beth but heard a girl speaking rather nastily to her. She was telling Beth not to touch something (I’m not sure whether it was a chair or something on the desk), she said that it belonged to another girl. Beth ended up going to the end of the desks and sitting next to a boy. I felt like saying something to the girl as Miss X hadn’t heard this. Then after thinking about it on the way home I realised that, bitchy as it was, maybe that’s what Beth needs to learn that she can’t touch other peoples things all the time. We’ve tried to teach her that at home and she’s broken so many things of ours that it drives us crazy. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. For all I know Beth may have taken things from this girl and she was protecting her stuff. I didn’t like it but I have to suck it up.

I was in tears yesterday when I got to Bill and Bridie’s primary school. I think the enormity of driving three hours a day for the next six years had hit me. I hate driving at the best of times. I was planning on trying to get a job near Beth’s school but as they have cut down her hours I would only be able to work four hours a day. Even if I did that four days a week I’d basically be losing my family allowance to get paid much the same amount. And I wouldn’t be home all week. I’ll do my event management course and then I can work my own hours and from home. I think any more (at this stage at least) would break me. Of course I’m feeling quite fragile at the present time, it’s not nice seeing my girl unhappy, confused and lonely. Add to that driving for an hour and a half twice a day and coping with two other kids and their extra curricular activities and playdates, it’s no wonder I’m anxious.

Anyway, so far so good I guess. At least Beth isn’t saying that she’s sick all the time and that she hates school. She seems happy enough to go each day and she begrudgingly tells me about her day each afternoon. She’s certainly not clinging on to me when I leave. I think it’s the best I can hope for at this stage.

About Sarah

Mother of an autistic child wanting to write about my personal experiences
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