Autistic Children Blog

Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve been on here. I had my gallbladder taken out two weeks ago and haven’t been feeling great since. I’m feeling much better now, still getting a bit tired, especially as I’m now driving again, but so much better than I was. I’m on a mission now, starting at the gym in a month and planning on getting healthy. I’m sick of feeling like crap all the time, the sun is out, it’s time!

Anyway, on to Beth! We’ve actually had a quiet couple of weeks, not much going on at all. Once again I thank goodness for my inlaws, they took the kids to school and home for me each day last week which was a godsend. Beth’s coped ok with that considering that she doesn’t like it when we change things. It’s not so much the change in routine but the reason behind it. I made sure that I warned her about me being in hospital, that I would be ok, that I just couldn’t drive for a short time. When my Dad was in hospital I didn’t tell the kids much not to worry them but of course they still hear you talking and that makes them worry even more. “Why aren’t they saying anything to us, is it more serious than they’re letting on?” Beth played up a lot in school during that period out of worry so I was determined to tell her the full story with my hospital stay.

On the whole Beth’s been pretty good. She’s still bunging it on so as not to go to school. She wasn’t well on Friday with a persistant cough but it’s hard to tell what’s real and what’s not. I basically have to tell her that no matter what she’s going to school, then if it persists then at least I know it’s real. Even so, over the weekend every time I mentioned school she would do a feeble little cough. Like “Beth, you have some homework.” cough cough. “Beth did you bring your Subway lunch order envelope home?” cough cough. You get the picture.

On Monday this week Beth’s teacher told me after school that as per usual on a Monday Beth was badly behaved until recess then was ok afterwards. She was sent outside and when she came back in she was fine. On asking Beth she told me that she had been disrespectful but didn’t elaborate. So either she had insulted her teacher or sworn at somebody. She insisted she hadn’t sworn so I’m assuming the former!

I’ll leave you with a bit of a Beth funny. When I was recovering I had Beth’s ipad in the bedroom when she was at school. I liked to check my Facebook and mustn’t have logged out. On ipads a message pops up if people have written on your Facebook status’ or answered something you have written. I was out in the lounge on the computer and having a bit of a message conversation with my friends. Now Beth likes to read out loud and quite loud at that. As I was writing I could hear her in the bedroom. “Eloise Kate said such and such, Bree said such and such”. I called out “Hey, stop reading my facebook messages!” She had quite the smirk on her face when I saw her!

Beth had her last cervical cancer vaccine on Thursday. Well that was fun! Poor kid was petrified. I had been to the doctors on the Monday and gotten the cream that numbs. I had considered not doing this as Beth is 13 now but realistically she is much younger mentally and I was so glad that we had it in the end. Not that it helped beforehand but as it ended up not hurting I’m hoping that she remembers that.

I had given Beth the day off as she was so anxious. I put the cream on in the morning before we dropped Bill and Bridie off and we got to the doctors nice and early. Everything was fine until the needle came out. Poor love started sweating and had a ‘fight or flight’ response. In other words there was no way that needle was going near her. She kept shouting out phrases such as “it packs a powerful punch” as well as just yelling that it was going to hurt and she didn’t need the needle after all. I tried bribing, soothing, yelling, all to no avail. I even said in desperation “it’ll stop you getting cancer” which technically is sort of true but made we wish I had explained all of that to her before so that she understood what cervical cancer was. Instead it was like I was saying that she’d never get cancer but I was frantic to stop her from getting any worse. Beth was dry retching into a bag by this stage and kept saying she needed to go to the toilet, a tactic she uses often when not wanting to do something. She flailed around, grabbing the needle from the nurse and knocking over whatever she could to get away from us. In the end I had to hold her in a grip turn her head around and hold it against me and shout “quick, do it now!” as the nurse jabbed it in her arm. And then Beth relaxed and conceded that it was in fact not as bad as she thought it would be! She said that she had been so scared and was hot from all the sweating from her fear. That’s why I didn’t want her to be immunised at school, she’d never want to go back and I didn’t want to give her another reason to not want to go to school. In the end I got out of it pretty cheaply, a Total Girl Magazine, a Cinderella dvd and a chunky Kit Kat bar! And she got to have the day off school. As we went to the toilet afterwards she spouted out another classy line (probably from a movie) – “goddamned son of a bitch!”

On a happy note Beth is ok about watching the Big Bang Theory and is actually enjoying it again. She loved it last year until I made the mistake of borrowing series one on dvd. She refused to watch it, on the dvd and from then on on the tely too. The new series started last week and I told her that we were going to watch it. I reminded her how she was scared of Sesame Street for 10 years and now loves watching it. (I know they’re just tv shows but it’s about facing her fears.) Anyway, she wanted me to mute it, she had her fingers in her ears, then it came on with Mrs Wolowitz (her favourite character) being in the first scene and her smile lit up her face. I haven’t suggested watching repeats again yet but slowly, slowly.

That reminds me of the time I decided I’d conquer her fear of going to the movies. I know she’d like it once she got in but getting her in was the issue. The time she finally went in I tricked her and told her that we had to show Bridie where Bill and Dad were sitting, then we could go out and get a donut. I’d worded Paul up and taken the girls to the toilet on purpose. Even just being in the foyer was a problem. She lay on the floor saying we had to leave, she had her fingers in her ears the whole time and kept yelling at me. (A bit like the needle.) Other parents must have thought I was such a bitch, making my poor child go to the movies when she was clearly scared stiff.  I pulled her in to the cinema with me, the movie was just starting so no problems with previews and the fingers came out and the smile lit up her face. I’ve made it a point ever since to go to the movies every holidays at least once because it was so bloody hard to get her there in the first place.

The kids went back to school today. For the first time Beth wasn’t saying she is sick so I’m hoping that she’s actually starting to enjoy school. Not that she’d let me know. I asked her last night if she was looking forward to going back and she said not really.

Another first, I really enjoyed these school holidays and didn’t want them to end. Having to drive up to three hours a day may have something to do with it but I think it’s more that it’s the first holidays in our new house. I don’t feel panicked at what needs to be done and we can enjoy our time together. We had lots of playdates and sleepovers but also had lots of quiet days at home. It was bliss.

Beth’s friend Jessica came over on Friday. We went to the movies to see Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Dog Days which was really funny. It was lovely to see Jess though they didn’t have too much to say to each other. We hadn’t seen her for a while and Beth was really excited but as Beth does, she tended to want to play on her ipad or on Jessica’s iphone. That’s why I thought the movies would be good, it gave them something to do and something to talk about afterwards.

Poor old Bethie. She was due for her third immunisation for the cervical cancer vaccine. Paul took her on Saturday morning and she was worried but willing to go. Paul called me while there saying that the vaccine wasn’t in the fridge, had I checked with them? I said that yes I had and it had been there. So after all that worrying she had to come home and we had to reschedule. I was at the same doctors this morning and he apologized and asked the nurse to order it in again. She came out with it in her hand! As the doctor had said, he did have a ‘man’ look so had also asked the nurse but she hadn’t been able to find it either. It was at the bottom underneath some other medications. I made an appointment for Thursday so will give Beth the day off as she’ll still be quite stressed.

Beth’s been sleeping terribly lately. She’s been waking me up at 12, 1 sometimes even 2am having not gone to sleep at all. Another first, she actually fell asleep in the car on the way to school this morning! I let them know at school, hopefully she’s not coming down with something. She sort of prewarned me that the day wasn’t going to be so good before we left this morning. She said she was allowed to make her own decisions, usually I hear this when she’s been a right bugger at school and is getting in to trouble over it. I told her that if I heard she had been naughty there would be no ipad or dvds tonight so hopefully that was enough. I went to the chemist and bought some natural melatonin, something that worked for a little while in the past. I hope it helps this time. Mind you daylight savings doesn’t help it, it gives her an extra hour. It’s so bloody stupid, they start it on the day before kids are going back to school so they’re tired anyway. This morning didn’t seem too bad though, at least until Beth fell asleep.

Well we’re half way through the school holidays. I can’t believe that it’s already October! Luckily I’ve already started my Christmas shopping. Beth is always a bit hard to buy for as she’s emotionally like a child often but wants to be like a teenager. The problem is that if I buy her teenage things she’ll say all the appropriate things but doesn’t really want them. If I ask if she wants something teenagey she’ll say “totally” or the latest abbreviation “totes” but only because she thinks it’s what she should want. What she really wants are toys but unless they’re something she really resonates with there’s no point in buying them either. I’ve found a Pepe toy from the muppets which is her favourite character so I’ve got her that. I’ve also got her a Miss Piggy wig, ears and nose. That’ll do for her younger side, I can plump up the presents with other bits and pieces. And of course all the kids have already gotten their big present of the tely’s for their new rooms.

We’ve had a very pleasant school holidays so far. We went to see Madagascar 3 last Monday with a few friends followed by hot chocolates at a chocolate cafe. Beth was very impressed that the marshmallows came on skewers to dip in the hot chocolate. We’ve had a day at Bec’s house where the kids mostly disappear except for my Beth who sits and plays on her ipad or watching her dvds. We’ve had sleepovers for Bill and Bridie and an extra special visitor from the UK, my Aunty Coral. I’m always talking about my family overseas to the kids, as I moved here when I was two we don’t often get a chance to visit. They were so excited to meet Aunty Coral and Bridie made her little cards to let her know how excited she was. Bridie finds it hard to talk to people but she’s wonderful with making cards and pictures for them. Beth came out to say hello in her usual ‘I guess I’ll have to pretend to be one of the family’ moments, happy to scurry back into her room as soon as a respectable time had passed.

We caught up with some friends today at Healesville Sanctuary. We didn’t actually see that many animals, I was walking with my friend Louise and our kids and we wandered into a beautiful area, walking around it for some time. It was like we were the only ones there but although it was part of the sanctuary it wasn’t the animal area, more like a marsh area for the birds. Still, kids are free and I didn’t pay either thanks to my companion card so you tend to not mind so much not seeing things if you haven’t paid anything. I think if we’d paid for all of us we’d have been in more of a hurry to see everything we could. Beth put her hand in bird poo then tried to wipe it off on me, much of the time she spent trying to pick the glittery bits out of rocks that we saw along the way. She had a parrot on her arm feeding it which she loved. She did amuse us by giving all the birds names, unusual ones not heard of before such as Alagel, almost like she was speaking in tongues. Apart from my coffee and icecreams at MacDonalds on the way home we didn’t pay for anything as I had taken lunch and snacks so I got away with spending under $10 which is unheard of these days.

A couple of other friends with kids on the spectrum were with us too, one who had her daughter in one of those leads you have to put on kids who run. It was nice to reflect back to the old days when I wouldn’t go anywhere with Beth unless she had one of those on. Or let her near the water like I did without her jumping in. Or be able to walk ahead a little way and not think that she’d pissed off in the other direction! Slowly but surely she is getting better.

We’ll do some more visiting this week and then it’s back to school next week. I’m having my gallbladder out the week after so might be out of action for a little while. I’m expecting the coughing and tummy aches to start about Wednesday from Beth in readiness for school next week. Poor love, I know how much she hates school but it’s just too bad really.

Once again I got to Beth’s school tonight only to see her teacher come out to see me. Once again I thought ‘what has she done now?’ Apparently Beth had what her teacher kindly said was a ‘silly’ day. Of course she was speaking in front of Beth and I don’t think the staff like to call the children bad or maybe even naughty to their faces. Miss L told me that Beth had sworn. One of the girls was leaving and they were having a party for her. There were smarties on the table and Beth of course wanted them early. When she was told she couldn’t Beth turned to the teacher and said “That’s bullshit!” Lovely darling, so pleased you’re using such colourful language. When told that she shouldn’t speak like that Beth then went on to tell her teacher that she could make decisions for herself, after all, she is a woman! Well so much for not wanting to grow up. I must admit I do like the sentiment and found it hard not to laugh. But wait, there’s more! When the other kids in the class were being naughty and told off Beth felt it was her duty to tell them they could do what they wanted. So for example if there was a boy called Dave and Miss L had told Dave to be quiet Beth would say “It’s ok Dave, you can make as much noise as you want.” She’s such a delight when she’s in one of those moods. She was so eager for me not to know what had gone on that on the way to the car she said “So Mum, you want to know what I did today do you? Well I did maths, I did art, etc etc” something that she knew would please me as she’s usually hard to even get a sentence out of her. Then of course she’d follow with “Well done Beth, I’m proud of you for having such a good day!”

I can’t believe that I’m saying it but I’m so glad the holidays are nearly here. Getting Beth to school this week has been so hard. She just doesn’t like school. I can totally see the advantages of home schooling and know that she’d love it and I think I’d quite enjoy it too, especially the not driving side of it. But that’s not what she needs. She needs to learn how to behave in society in an acceptable manner, how to socialise, how to deal with not getting her own way. She needs to be where she is.

I spoke with the coordinator again last week after Beth had told me about the girls on camp telling her she was ugly. I had said about another boy telling me that lots of the kids were telling her that. It turns out that the boy had in fact been walking past the girls bedroom and overheard it. While I had known about the one time I had worried that it had continued on but no, they had put a stop to it after the one time. I’m very happy with how quickly the school deals with situations that are not acceptable, they’re straight on to it.

It’s the end of term three already. It still feels like we’re going to ‘Beth’s new school.’ It’s been such a big year. Building and moving into our new house, getting a new pooing machine puppy, Beth’s high school beginnings. It’s all going way too fast!

Beth had a good weekend, she didn’t speak much about her camp last week but she did say that she enjoyed it. When I went to school yesterday to pick her up I was a little worried though. A boy who had been on camp came out and told me that Beth had had a bad time at camp. When I asked him why he told me that all the kids were telling Beth that she was ugly.

When Beth had first told me that the girls in her room had said she was ugly I thought that maybe Beth had said something first. It’s the type of thing that she says and I thought that horrible as it was, maybe she’d learn by being on the receiving end. I was worried after yesterday though because if a boy had heard about it it means that it hadn’t just happened in the room, that it might be a bit of a peer group pressure thing. You know what they say, kids that are bullies are often bullied themselves. It’s better to be the bullier than to be bullied by the main bully if you know what I mean.

I wrote an email to the middle school coordinator explaining my concerns and received a prompt email back last night. I’ll call her Mrs M. She had said that she had been aware of this in the room and that she’d spoken to all girls concerned. She said that she thought it had only happened once so perhaps Beth told this boy that it had happened. Mrs M. said that she’d speak with the girls concerned, with Beth and also with the boy who had told me. She also told me what a lovely time Beth had had on camp. She said that a boy called Callum had taken to Beth and had made sure that she was always with the group, holding her hand to get her going and looking after her.

I was very happy with the response I had gotten and will let you know the outcome.

My big girl’s back from camp. I think she was a bit painful and whingey but there you go, I’m sure that’s what you get when you take 16 special needs students to camp. I know how much Beth hates walking or any sort of exercise really and she let that be known. They did have a night hike which she seemed to enjoy, she told me about the mouse that she saw. Her teacher told me that she had to hold Beth’s hand when they walked to continue her walking. Beth seems to have two speeds, either galloping like a horse or really, really slow!

Beth shared a cabin with three other girls. One is in her class and the other two I hadn’t heard of. When she got in the car yesterday when I picked her up the first thing Beth asked was if I thought she was ugly. I replied that of course I didn’t, I think she’s really pretty. Apparently one of the other girls had said she was ugly and the other two had agreed with her. Now the girl in Beth’s class is lovely, I’ve seen her interacting with Beth and she’s always nice to her. It’s interesting though what happens when there are other girls around. I know nothing of the ‘ringleader’ here but if you get a mean instigator it’s often easier for the others to agree with them. I asked if it meant that Beth didn’t enjoy her time and she said that no, she didn’t really care, she had told them that she is pretty and didn’t believe them anyway. Still, if it was the first thing she said to me it must have played on her mind.

I found it useful that this had happened. I could then relate Beth being called ugly to Beth calling her teacher ugly. I asked if it made her feel bad and when she said yes I told her that was how her teacher had felt when Beth had said it to her. Hopefully she’ll think a little bit more before she says hurtful things.

I also wonder if the kids were a bit annoyed with Beth at night. If I fall asleep before her she’ll do what she can to wake me up as she hates the snoring or heavy breathing noises I make when going to sleep. I asked if the other kids fell asleep first and Beth told me that she kept opening their door to wake them up. She can be so bloody annoying at times! I have to monitor her tv watching too. Apparently she told her teacher that she had seen Scream and kept saying that I was dead or being eaten by wolves. When I picked her up she said (not for the first time) “You’re alive!” When I spoke with her later she told me that she had turned it over after I had fallen asleep. I let her watch tely because if it’s not on she goes out to the kitchen or gets into other mischief. Luckily now she’s discovered the home shopping channel and loves to watch the repetitive ads. I’ll just have to make sure I hide the credit card!

Anyway, they went out for pizza and Beth entertained the kids by ordering with an italian accent. They went to Sovereign Hill and Beth did archery. It sounds like they had a fun time. When I asked Beth if she enjoyed it or if she was homesick she told me that she enjoyed it. That was an excellent sign, I didn’t know if she would or not. Apparently she was still a bit of a loner but she joined in when prompted. Lots of the kids were having today off as they are so tired so I’ve let Beth stay home too. Tomorrow is footy day at school and she gets a pie for lunch so it’ll be a nice end to the week.

Well I’ve survived. Bethie’s home from camp tomorrow, I hope she’s had a good time. It’s been wonderful weather for a camp, 24 today, spring truly has sprung.

It’s good timing for pickup, I have to pick Beth up at 12 noon and my other kids aren’t at school tomorrow. It’s a teacher’s strike day which means I don’t have to drop off, pick up Beth, come home for an hour or so then go back to pick up Bill and Bridie. We can all go to pick up Beth, get the promised MacDonalds for lunch and come home for the afternoon.

I talk to a lot of parents about autism, either through my support group, through facebook or through this blog. I fully support the teachers striking, I believe their job is unbelievably difficult and often thankless. I see both sides as far as kids are concerned. By that I mean I can see parents points of view as a parent of a special needs child but I can also see the point of view from the parents of kids who have no disability. Notice I didn’t say ‘kids without issues’ as I believe most kids have issues.

The more autism seems to rise in the community the less help schools seem to get. When we started school with Beth we (after an appeal) got level four funding which was nearly a full time aide. Mind you we had to make her out to be almost unrecognisable in the paperwork to get that funding. Sadly it was all true but to see every little thing down on paper was a slap in the face. Same thing again for high school funding. The thing is though that every parent has to go through that gut wrenching process to get aide funding and nowadays many kids don’t get any. I know of several kids who aren’t much ‘better’ than Beth and they haven’t received funding. It’s unbelievable. I couldn’t have sent Beth to school without an aide. Unfortunately many parents don’t have that option, they have to both work and they have to send their children to school.

The school’s don’t have the right to say no to these children. They have to have somewhere to go. And there’s the problem. There are classrooms with special needs kids and no aides. They can be a danger to themselves and to others and to keep the peace the poor teachers have to let them do what they want at times otherwise they may run off. I have a friend who has moved her son at least four times because the school can’t control her child yet as he is not aided it’s not really the school’s fault. Other parents complain because they don’t believe their child is in a good environment with all of ‘those’ children. And as I said, I can see both sides. I feel for this friend of mine because it is so hard that she can’t find a school to suit her child. But I feel for the teachers at his schools too, and for the other kids in his class who have to bear the brunt of his behaviour. It’s just not fair on anybody involved and the government need to see that autism is now at nearly epidemic proportions. There has to be SOMEWHERE for these kids to go. If society wants our kids to not be a drain on the government when they are older they have to be able to teach them now.

Anyway, I just want to wish all the teachers out there good luck tomorrow. And the wonderful intergration aides. I was (and am) so thankful for the teachers that have helped mold and nurture my Beth. They were supportive of both her and myself and I’ll forever be grateful. But I’ve got to tell you, I wouldn’t be a bloody teacher for quids!

Beth’s gone off to school camp today. It’s her first with her high school so I’ve got mixed feelings about it. She has too.

We had a school production on Thursday night for Bill and Bridie’s school. As Beth’s old friends still have siblings at the school they were watching the production too. It was strange not having Beth in the production. We’ve been lucky, Beth’s a born performer and loved being in school productions. Lots of kids on the spectrum don’t like performing and are often working backstage or not being involved at all. Beth has always been on the stage, our primary school is very inclusive and always made sure that Beth had the opportunity if she wanted it. This is the first time in eight years that the whole school production didn’t have Beth in it. I thought she’d be bored shitless but she quite enjoyed it. She certainly loved seeing her old friends. It showed me how she still considers these girls to be her true friends. If we talk about having kids for a playdate it’s Jessica and Erin that she talks about, not her friends from this year.

This is why I thought it was important for Beth to go to camp this year. I know she wanted to stay at home with me. I know she wont like having no computer or ipad for two nights. I know she’ll have to socialise more, not just with kids in her class but with ones perhaps unfamiliar to her. And that’s just what she needs. It’s good for her to step out of her comfort zone once in a while.

For me it’s a funny feeling. I love the fact that I wont have to drive an hour and a quarter round trip twice a day. I love that I don’t have to leave to pick the kids up until 3pm instead of 2pm. I also love the ease of just having two kids at home. It doesn’t matter which one isn’t home, it’s always easier with one less. The other side of me will miss Beth dreadfully. As I said goodbye to her this morning on the bus we said that we loved each other, she said she didn’t want to lose me. I don’t think she was necessarily thinking that she would, maybe she thinks if she says things like that I’ll change my mind and let her be at home. I of course reassured her, telling her that as I would be picking her up at 12 on Wednesday that we’d get MacDonalds for lunch on the way home. In many ways Beth is my easiest child, she’s easily pleased and can entertain herself all day if she’s got her dvds and ipad or computer. She eats well and she does what she’s told. And she needs me which is lovely. Most kids grow up and become fairly independant, Beth still needs her mummy lots and hard as it is I also love that about her.

To make the trip more exciting we went clothes shopping yesterday, Beth got some girly tops and new boots which she wore today. She had her new magazine for the bus ride which she started reading as soon as she got on the bus and put her seatbelt on. I asked if she was looking forward to the camp and she said a little bit. There’s a dinner out, a visit to Sovereign Hill, night hikes and bike riding. I told her teacher that Beth can’t ride, she said they’d teach her how to. It’s specifically a special needs camp which is great, there’s 16 kids and three staff members, two of them being women, one being Beth’s teacher. I couldn’t ask for a better crew, she had friends going with her, she’d shaved under her arms in preparation this morning, she’s got her new clothes, what more can you want. And the weather is amazing, perfect for a few days of bonding. It’s hard but it’s also necessary. My baby’s growing up!

Most of the time I embrace the side of Beth that is her autism. I love her unselfconsciousness, her massive self esteem, her photographic memory when it comes to something she loves. I also love things not to do with her autism but perhaps enhanced by it, her sense of humour and her ability to perform in front of others. But sometimes her autism gives me the shits and I hate it.

My son Bill had what’s called mudbash today, a day with the cubs that they do all sorts of activities and get really muddy doing them. A real boys day, he went with his dad Paul and I was at home with the girls. They were bored and wanted to do something so I checked out what movies are on. There are no kids movies at the moment, being mid term, so I thought the new Aussie flick The Sapphires might be a good choice. It’s based on a true story about a group of Aboriginal girls who sang (in a similar way to The Supremes) and ended up going to Vietnam to sing during the war. My girls love music and I thought it would be a good bonding experience. I also knew that my Bill wouldn’t mind missing out as it’s a bit of a ‘chick flick’. Anyway, I ran it past Beth and Bridie and they both seemed keen.

The movie started at 1.15pm and it should have been an indication when Beth decided that no, in fact she didn’t really want to go after all, unless Madagascar was playing. I explained that it wasn’t until the school holidays, that she’d already said yes, that Bridie and I were looking forward to it. Basically that it wasn’t all about what she wanted. Of course that’s not the way she sees things. We compromised on food, we took maltesers and drinks but as we hadn’t had lunch yet we got chips from McDonalds and didn’t take popcorn. That was more than fine, a little bit of an incentive.

About 1/2 an hour into the movie Beth had fidgeted so much and turned around to look at other people that I ended up giving her her Ipad. I had thought it was a great idea as this meant that Bridie and I could watch the movie in peace if it turned out that Beth didn’t like it. Now usually I try to get seats in the back row but we hadn’t been to this theatre before and it was already crowded when we got there. We sat quite far down the front so there were people behind us. After a while the man behind us asked me to turn the Ipad off as the light was distracting him. I apologized and we moved to the next row down. As Beth had had the ipad at an angle originally I made her lay it flat down in her lap so that the people couldn’t see it. She had headphones on so nobody could hear it. About 10 minutes later the usher came to me to let me know that people were complaining. I explained that perhaps it was before we had moved but she asked me to turn it off. Of course we did. I then sat completely embarassed with one arm around Beth and one around Bridie, trying to enjoy the remainder of the movie while feeling incredibly self conscious. Beth kept wanting to go, Bridie and I wanted to watch the end. As the credits rolled and Beth got ready to go I told her that we’d wait til the lights came up, just in case something fell out of my bag. Truth be told I didn’t want to face the people who may have complained, I didn’t want to have them telling me that maybe I shouldn’t have brought my child to this movie, that I was too soft, allowing a child to play on an ipad when it was such bad manners to do so in a cinema.

Eventually we left with none of these things happening. I don’t blame the people for complaining, clearly it was bothering them and hindering the movie. I was more embarassed and annoyed that it had spoiled what was meant to be a nice time with my daughter. She’s 13 now, an age where movies like that are fine. I was looking forward to going to see a movie with my girls that I would enjoy on an adult level as well as a kids level. Bridie enjoyed it with me just as she loved our naughty day off last week when we went to IKEA for breakfast and shopping. We’re starting to enjoy our bonding time, doing things that we both enjoy together. I want that with Beth too and I hate that through no fault on either side it’s probably never really going to be like that. We do enjoy our time together but solely on her terms, if it’s not something she wants to do then she’ll let it be known. And sometimes it just sucks.