Autistic Children Blog

Sometimes I forget that Beth has autism. Not fully, not ever fully. It’s pretty bloody obvious at times. I don’t have an issue with her having autism. I’m always telling people she’s the easiest of all my kids behaviourally. She’s well behaved, she’s got lovely manners, she does as she’s told. We seem to have missed out on most of the teenage hormones. She’s not violent. She’s not mean (usually). She’s a nice kid and I love her to bits. Then we have moments like today and I remember. I remember all the meltdowns and the embarrassment of some of her behaviour and how she acts like a 2 year old having a tantrum in public and I think ‘how could I have forgotten this? Why can’t she just behave like a bloody 16 year old? I hate f’ing autism sometimes. ‘ I’m not proud of myself when I think things like that. As I say, she’s an ace kid and I’m incredibly proud of her. But sometimes……

We had a nice time yesterday. I was to take Bridie Christmas shopping and Beth decided she wanted to come along. Much to Bridie’s annoyance as she wanted to have a ‘2 girl day’. Bridie had money left from her birthday and she wanted to spend it. We also had some things to buy for their little cousins and I told Beth that she could spend some of her pocket money. As usual she wanted to buy Disney dvds. She has many of them, if she can’t find one she wants to replace it. She also picked a few out a couple of months ago when they were on sale, so I let her have 3 and kept 4 for Christmas. So I don’t really want her to buy dvds at the moment, until we’ve done a bit of a stock check. Anyway, we went shopping yesterday and ended up buying everything that Bridie wanted and one dvd for Beth which I knew she didn’t have so we were all pretty happy with that.

The problem that we had was that the toys we wanted to buy the cousins for Christmas weren’t available at Knox K Mart. Which meant that we were popping in to the Boronia store today, after our osteo appointments. Bridie had a curriculum day today and I gave Beth the day off too because our favourite osteo is leaving and it was the only time we could all get an appointment. All good, nice girly day again, giving Beth a treat of a day off. Our appointments ended at 11 and off we went. I had specifically said we were going to buy the Christmas presents only, that we weren’t having lunch out, that we weren’t shopping for ourselves. Then we got to K Mart and Bridie started. She was hungry and whinged most of the way around. I said we just had to get this and that, we were parked in a half an hour park and if we were really quick I would stop and get them pies on the way home for being good girls. Then it was Beth’s turn. “You mean after we get me a dvd don’t you?” “No Beth, I said we’re not getting you a dvd today remember?” “But I have money, I still have pocket money, today’s about me too!” And the loud crying started, and the wailing, and the snotty face and the screaming of why was I being so mean, why was I not talking back to her, I was ignoring her and it wasn’t fair! And the stares as I stone faced pulled her along behind me as I got what I needed then got the f out of the store! It reminded me of when she was two and didn’t get her own way, in the very same store. And how mortified I was. The only saving grace was that at least now it was pretty bloody obvious that there was something different about my girl because the only way she didn’t look like a two year old having a tantrum was that she didn’t lie down on the floor and kick her legs in the air. I threatened and I muttered under my breath and by the time we got in the car she had been banned from her tablet until 3.30. And still she didn’t shut up! She doesn’t seem to know how to.

The car ride home was vile. I had Bridie cracking it because I had said no pies. I had Beth who just wouldn’t stop. I would say stop talking to me, I want silence in the car on the way home, if you keep going it will be another half an hour. And still she kept going. In a waily high pitched voice. “I promise, I’m sorry, no more ban, stop banning me, why are you angry, I wont do it again, just tell me that I’m not banned.” And the true doozy of the day “I’ll try again tomorrow, maybe tomorrow I can have the day off again and you can take me to K Mart again and I’ll be good. AND you can let me spend some money!” I just got angrier and angrier and wanted her to just stop talking and she just kept going and going. Even when we got home and I told her she could go and read a book she said things such as ‘or play on my tablet’. I (and here’s where I’m not proud) told her that she could go and live with Grandma and Grandpa if she kept it up. By that stage I just wanted her to shut the f up and she just wasn’t. When I went in to check on her she’d put all of her bedding in the wardrobe and was sitting in there reading. Making me feel really bad! She’s just popped out now though and said ‘It’s like a curse you know, this ban that you do to me!’ So maybe I don’t feel that bad after all!

I’ve started a new project which I’m very excited about. As my regular readers would know I’m not adverse to a bit of fame here and there! One of my readers and I have become friends over the last five years, via emails to start with and now face to face. We decided that it would be great to get more information out there to the big wide world on our wonderful kids and what people could do when getting a diagnosis. I know from my experience that there wasn’t much information when Beth was diagnosed, lots of things I found out about was from me ringing around and searching for what I thought we needed. I know there’s a lot more now, due to more community awareness and more kids being diagnosed, but there are still people out there who haven’t been told much. We wanted to share our experiences, whether it be on current topics in the media or on toileting issues or food intolerances. Let’s face it, we’ll never run out of subjects. And I’ll never run out of words!

Anyway, for those of you interested, our You Tube channel is here. JAS CHAT .  This stands for Jo and Sarah’s Crazy, Honest Autism Talk. And our facebook page is here. This will keep you updated as to when we put up new episodes. If you’re lucky we might even have Beth guest starring, a bit like the blog’s Beth funnies. I thought we could have an ask Beth segment where people could write in and ask her Disney trivia questions. She’d love that!

Beth is going well. She’s gone off to school today saying that her throat is sore. I’m not sure why she hates going to school so much, she does fun things. Even this morning, she tried to bung it on and I told her that she’s only got one day left this week, that tomorrow is the weekend, that she had a good day planned. She smiled and admitted, she has cooking and girls club which she enjoys, it’s almost like she still has to pretend to be sick though! Her school report was very honest, reflecting that she knows how to work but she chooses what she wants to do. So I don’t think she’ll do media studies again next year. She loves watching the movies but can’t be fagged doing the reports on them!

Due to me not being able to drive, the kids have been very adaptable and have been getting lifts from various people. I am very lucky that my friend’s son also goes to Beth’s school, and they live close to Bridie’s school, so they pick Beth up with their son and drop her back to the primary school which is means I just have to get one lift for my girls. It’s been wonderful and very convenient! Paul drops both girls off in the morning (Bill walks) and they get brought home, by friends, by a teacher (also a friend), by family, we’ve been incredibly lucky with our support. One day my friend’s son came home after cooking gingerbread men, and he gave his mum the head of one, saying that was all she could have. Beth came home a few days later with her gingerbread man and gave me the head too, explaining that if that’s all that Bree got then that’s all that I would get too!

To add in to the complication of transport, Beth now goes part of the way on a bus. We drop her in the mornings at 8.20am, she catches that bus to school, then she gets dropped back at the bus stop at 3.20pm, so it all fits in quite well with Bridie’s school. We can drop Bridie second in the mornings instead, meaning that I can go to assembly again, something I’ve really missed doing as I always have to drop Beth. The bus drops off closer to Bridie’s school so it’s not such a long drive, and not such a time consuming one either. I was leaving just after 2pm to do pickup, now it will be just before 3pm. And I’ll be home before 9am in the mornings after dropoff. Actually, I quite like the way it is now, I rather like not driving! We decided that Beth could leave her tablet at home rather than taking it with her and playing on it in the car. We were a bit worried about the bus side of it. Now she chats away in the car about her day and tells me about the drive when she gets home. She is rather taken with my friend’s oldest son Naarai and excitedly told me that he drove her last week in their Jeep. Might have something to do with the Jeep ad on the telly at the moment.

Hello everybody! Sorry it’s been so long but I know my regular readers know the reason. A month ago I had a brain tumour removed. It was an arduous process leading up to the operation, I was feeling pretty shite for the majority of the time, dizzy and nauseous. I’m happy to say that, even though my balance isn’t the best still (I have a funky zebra walking stick) and headaches are still present, I feel so much better than I did before. I am having rehab for my balancing and I can’t drive for another couple of months but I’m alive and that’s all that matters really!

Beth and I had a little trip today. I’m going to have a wee bitch because this situation has gone on since just after her 16th birthday in March and as many of you will have to go through this too I thought it would be best for you to be pre warned. We were to apply for Beth’s pension. I applied to get the carers allowance again, something you have to reapply for when they turn 16. I think I was lucky to get it as I’ve heard others didn’t. Again you have to be brutally honest. Luckily they said that ‘helping’ includes prompting which we have to do a lot of. Still, she sounded like she is totally useless with prompting for toileting, bathing and dressing. The sad thing is that she does need to be told about all of these. Toileting isn’t too bad, more of a ‘have you been to the toilet lately, you look like you need to wee’ type of thing, but still there. Showering because we have to tell her to go and have one, then I set her clothes and towel out and give her her toothbrush. If I didn’t do this she’d put her pyjamas back on and she certainly wouldn’t be choosing school clothes. You get the picture.

Anyway…. Paul and I had gone in at the beginning of April to take the pension forms in for Beth. We had been told that a letter from her school would be sufficient for the IQ side of things as it states that the school only caters to students with an IQ of 50 – 70. I had her birth certificate, medicare card  and student ID, then was told that I would need to supply copies of school reports as more ID was required. By this stage I wasn’t driving so was a little peeved but ok, I can do that. That was the easy bit. I then received a letter saying that the IQ letter wasn’t enough any more, we now have to supply copies of the IQ assessment from high school transition. OK, being the unorganised person I am I had no idea where they were so luckily the school could supply me with them too. I also received a phone call saying that Beth had to come to a job assessment appointment. If we didn’t go she wouldn’t get the pension. What the?! She happily had the day off of school and my lovely friend Cat took us to the appointment. The chap there was very apologetic, yes he knew that Beth is only 16 and at school and has autism, it’s ridiculous but it’s protocol. He barely asked her anything he felt so bad. While we were there they took copies of Beth’s school reports as our other forms of ID.

In the meantime I was feeling sicker and I went into hospital on the 24th of June to have my tumour removed. Thinking it would all be sorted I checked the bank account when I got home and no, nothing there. I got Paul to take me in to ask what was going on. Keep in mind it’s the end of July now so it’s been several months. They said the same, didn’t know what the holdup was and would get them to call me. I then got a call saying that we needed another appointment, this time in Lilydale – a good half an hour from us. This one was so that a psychologist, appointed by Centrelink, could sign off on the need for the disability pension. They didn’t need any more information other than what they already had but she needed to sight Beth herself! My lovely friend Liesl took us to that appointment this morning. (We had coffees and muffins and Beth was very happy with her hot chocolate). And again the staff member was very apologetic and asked for my permission to tell them how ridiculous it was that we had to do it in the first place. You’d think that with all their government information that they could have a little box to tick to say if a disability is severe enough to be permanent. I get it with kids that have improved so much, and what a lovely dilemma to have. I get it so that they can get the scammers. I get all of that. But if they are at a special school and if they have all the information, surely there would be the ones that they wouldn’t have to double check on all the time. Anyway, it’s all being backdated and we’re off to buy Beth a new bedroom suite on the weekend. I did however have a phone call this afternoon from them saying that they never received the copes of the school report. Seriously!

I thought I’d pop in quickly and say a few things. Beth has been rather hilarious lately and I didn’t want to forget what she’d done. As often there’s not much to tell on here it’s nice to share how funny she is when it happens.

My friend had a brain tumour taken out a few weeks ago which was ridiculously coincidental! She put photos of her bruises and scars on facebook so I took the opportunity to show the kids what I could possibly look like. I think mine wont be as bad visually but will be worse in other ways. Bree didn’t have any of the potential side effects such as facial paralysis and her tumour was further forward in her head than mine. That means that she ended up with a swollen black eye that wouldn’t open for the first day. Her scar was pretty impressive too. 30 staples going from the middle of her head down towards her right ear, very neat and even, for those OCD people like myself. The kids freaked a little but then bit by bit asked about seeing them again, along with update photos, which got better nice and quickly. So I am planning a similar recovery. I am thinking the paralysis however is a very real possibility. I was told that my mouth could be turned down as if I have had a stroke, that my eye might look startled, that my whole right side of my face might be affected. I was explaining this to Beth. I told her that I had started dribbling all the time out of the right side of my mouth, this indicates to me that I may have problems there and be dribbling a lot more. “Like a dog?” she asked. Yes darling, just like a slobbery old dog!

Beth’s had an ear infection for the last few days. Again, it just goes to show that we don’t really know what’s going on in her mind. It wasn’t until we went to the doctors that I realised that she thought it meant she has a brain tumour too. My right ear has been affected and loud noises actually hurt. Like Bridie cuddling me then yelling out to others in the other room. All the time…..  Beth knows this is she is on the other side of Bridie so she hears me saying that it hurts my ear. Poor love, thinking that she had to go through it too.

She’s also been rather whingey lately. She’s 16 now, I guess it was time for the repulsive teenage attitude to come. Bill already has it at 13, Bridie has always had it to some extent! Yesterday was a doozy. She asked Paul to take her to the movies and he said no, they could go in the school holidays which start on Friday. She wanted to go yesterday though. She puts on her Veruca Salt voice when not happy. (I want it nooooow)  It’s high pitched and pretty horrible. And she does the quivery lip. I have been playing up the ‘you’re 16 now, you’re going to be the oldest girl in charge while I’m away, you have to set a good example.) Which when she’s in a good mood she’s all for. But when tantrumming that all goes out the window. Yesterday I said that grizzling really wasn’t attractive for a 16 year old young lady. Her response “What about whinging, is that attractive?!” She kept going on about the movie and I told her she would lose ipad priveleges. Which, every time I say ipad means that she has to correct me to tablet. Because she doesn’t have an ipad anymore, she has a tablet and get it right mum! So she was banned for one hour, then two. She kept speaking as me in her Veruca voice. “It’s ok Beth, you’re a good girl, you wont get banned, don’t worry. And you can go to the movies!” It went on and on and on. At one point I said that she’s 16 now, she needs to try and regulate herself. She was lying on her back so she lifted up her legs and put them over her head in a pilates style post. “Like that” she wails, “Like that?” I popped out for a little while and when I came back she had a bandaid on her inside arm. The first thing she said was “It was an accident” which she reiterated several times. She said she cut herself shaving. I don’t know how you accidentally cut the inside of your arm with a shaver but she seemed to do it. I do trust her with it, she shaves her underarms in the shower and has done for a few years now. Maybe she was proving to me that she is a big girl, who knows!

Before I sign off I shall tell you a little titbit of exciting news. A long time reader of this blog, Jo, has been writing to me for about 5 years and we’ve become friends. We have been in discussions for her to become a sort of agent to me! I wont say any more but I am expecting big things in the future and I’m very excited! It came at a perfect time, I was having a feeling sorry for myself day, missing dad, worried about the op, feeling all weepy. Then I got a message from Jo and it got me all excited about future possibilities. Now I just need to get over this pesky op and the world is my oyster! Watch this space! See you in a few weeks xxx

Beth has a curriculum day today. We have an appointment at Centrelink which I think is ridiculous. I got sent an appointment via email for her to come in for a job assessment interview. I called them and explained that she is only 16, that I can’t drive at the moment, anything I could to get out of it. But no, all I could do was postpone it and she wouldn’t get her pension without going to it. My friend Cat has kindly offered to drive us there. I also have to show some more identification papers for her. Seems that a birth certificate and student card just isn’t enough, 16 year olds are meant to have much more id! I have to take in copies of her school reports. Sorry, not copies, I have to take in the originals for them to sight and say that they’ve seen them. In my search I’ve also found her baptism certificate so hopefully that will do. Considering that she is stalling having her shower so that she can watch the end of Playschool I find the whole thing funny, but I guess, there are kids who improve so much that they wouldn’t need a pension so I get it too. I just wish we didn’t have to do it!

Beth’s been really good lately. Really thoughtful and contributing to conversations. Even arguing with good reasoning. I was trying to watch a movie the other night. She has a bad habit of mumbling to herself, often the same things over and over though I know it’s not tourettes, just a habit she’s got into. She’s aware that she does it. I asked her to keep it down as I couldn’t hear the television. She replied with ‘I know, I know but I can’t help it.’ Then she followed it up with ‘We have lots of bad habits in our family. Dad coughs, you snore and I mumble.’ Good argument I think. I compromised and asked her to keep her mumble at a lower volume which she did.

She’s also been asking about who she will be going home with, quite enjoying the break from routine from me picking up all the time. She asks questions of those who give her lifts and tells me about them. And a couple of weeks ago she introduced her Grandpa to a boy she was talking with at school. She’s doing really well!

I’m going to put a link on here. I wrote an article for a website called Champagne Cartel, about my brain tumour. They published it this morning so I’m rather excited! Here’s the link

Can you believe my baby is 16?! It just goes so quickly. She’ll be getting a pension shortly (not that I will tell her that at this stage), she’s doing VCAL, she wants to get her learners. I’m not sure what to do about that one. She talks about really expensive cars that she wants to buy and drive. I guess it wouldn’t hurt her to sit for her learners but there is no way in hell that she’ll be able to be let loose on the road. Not the way she is now anyway. She can’t even walk down the street without holding hands because she does her funny jump in the air thing and might land in the street.

I had no idea what to get her so we’re letting her go and buy a turtle today. We also got her a giant muppet type of puppet, a gorgeous handbag that she chose, one that fits her tablet, and a do it yourself mosaic mirror. She’s been doing mosaic’s a lot at school and seems to enjoy them. I got her a couple of dvds from the kids. So I think she’s done ok. Bev and John are giving her the Family Feud board game that she asked for.

I was talking to some friends yesterday and the subject of after high school came up. My friend’s sister in law has a son with autism, they don’t live far from here. He is attending a media school which caters to adults with disabilities, from 18 – 21. It sounds fabulous, I’ll put a link here. They can choose their own characters and write plays around their choices. They can do tv presenting which Beth would LOVE, even presenting the weather. It sounds just perfect. It’s not too far from here, in Ringwood.

Things have been a bit up in the air at the moment. Just for a change! I had a type of seizure a couple of weeks ago. I then had an MRI and they found a benign tumour, pushing on my brain. So basically I have to go into hospital in the new few weeks and have it removed. It’s a fairly big op, I’ll probably in hospital for the good part of a week. It affects my balance so if they see that the tumour has grown into the balance nerve they may have to sacrifice it which would mean staying for longer and going to rehab to retrain my body to balance. And I’ll have a whopper of a scar. The nice side of that is that I now qualify for a wig to be claimed on extras so have somebody coming to fit me for one on Tuesday! (Glass half full and all that, you know me!) The other problem is that they don’t actually think it caused the seizure. So I still have to have heart monitors and a thing called a Doppler. I will also see the actual neurologist at the Alfred Hospital, where I saw the neuro surgeon on Wednesday. Anyway, there you go, as long as I’m alive, that’s all that matters. I can deal with the rest. This means however that obviously I can’t drive. So not sure what’s going to happen with getting kids to school. Bridie’s not so hard, she’s not that far away. But I might have to home school Beth. I’m going to find out when she is doing her VCAL subjects. I believe they are covered over 2 1/2 days over the week. If that’s fairly intensive then I may be able to send Beth, even for 2 days a week.  Then her teacher can send me home the rest of the work. They’re very accommodating so will speak with them in the new term. If I’m not in the hospital. There’s already been talk of organising a bus to come over this way from Beth’s school, to travel not far from Bridie’s school, as there are a few from the Dandenong Ranges attending now. So we might be able to slot in there somehow. Anyway, Beth would be happy to be at home, that’s for sure. The kids have been worried about me. When I first came home from the tests I told Beth that I am going to be ok and she said ‘Well at least you don’t have a brain tumour’ to which I had to state that actually, yes I do. Then when she kept asking if I would die, and I would say no, she would say ‘but you said that about Gransha and he still died.’ Which is true, but only when I didn’t think he was. So I had to go through that he was sick, there were other things wrong, he was older. But the reality is there are no guarantees.

She’s been rather dominating in the last few weeks, standing her ground. Not sure if it’s because of what’s going on with me but I’m pretty sure it’s just her being a teenager. She’ll refuse something, such as eating something that Paul has cooked. He’ll say – you have to eat this – and she’ll say – no I don’t and I’m not going to. I know the secret (as does Paul) of just calling out from bed – ok then, no tablet for the rest of the night – and that will make her eat it! Paul tends to go over the top though and I’ll tell him so, he goes to the other extreme. He’ll say things like – you’ll never go on the tablet again – or – that’s the last time you’ll be able to do that then! – in his desperation to basically get his own way. I try to explain that you can’t make a threat that you can’t carry through with but he is so in the moment that he believes he will!

I’ll pop some photos on of Beth’s birthday when I get some. Otherwise it might be a while so I’ll see you on the flip side!

I’ve had Beth home sick for the last 2 weeks. She of course is delighted with this. I haven’t minded it either. She’s pretty easy, she knows she has to stay in bed and read and I don’t have to drive too much. Last week Bill was off too and 2 of the days Bridie hasn’t been well either. So it’s an enforced stay at home for me. I’ve been having lots of trouble sleeping so that side of it has been lovely.

Beth’s at a rather amusing stage. In fact it’s one she’ll probably always be in. A combination of teenager/adulthood and childish delight in all things young. Being not well and very chesty I started running nice hot baths for her last week. It’s been ages since we had baths. In our last house it was such a horrible old thing that we never had them. When we moved here we had them to start with but then our old cat Henry started pooing in the bath. When the then kittens came along they followed suit, even though they had kitty litters. Now that they’re outside when they want to be, there’s no need for toileting inside thank goodness, so I have a lovely clean bath that can be used for what it’s meant to be. We just dropped Bridie off at school and I told Beth she could either have a shower after breakfast or wait til we got home and have a bath. She said 2 very cute things. One was asking me where our bath toys were (I did of course go onto Ebay and buy her some!) The other was asking if we could wait until Sesame Street is over before she has it.

The other side of it is a combination of dark and cheeky. We were watching Grey’s Anatomy yesterday and somebody fell and hit his head, leaving a bit puddle of blood. Beth asked me matter factly if they used chocolate sauce for the blood to which I replied that it was too red for that. She said ‘but that’s what they used in the shower scene from Psycho.’ So of course I looked it up and of course she was right. Because it was a black and white movie they could get away with it. Not that she’s seen Psycho, she just researches things so much.

It’s such a shame that Beth has an issue with laughter tracks in tv shows too, she’ll research things but not actually watch them.  She knows all about Friends, everything about it, but wont watch it because of the laughter. It’s the one thing that’s never gone away. She had the fear of elephants and their noise and now she’s ok with it. She did watch Big Bang Theory for a while, obsessively so, then got a bee in her bonnet about it and no more. Ever.

The cheeky side comes out often in our word games. These are usually played in the spa. We play Family Feud, would you rather, 20 questions, Snog Marry Avoid. It’s good fun actually. But Beth likes to push the boundaries. This morning we were in the car. Bridie wanted to play would you rather as we are buying Beth a turtle for her birthday in a couple of weeks and she wanted to ask if a) she wanted a turtle b) if she wanted a boy or a girl and c) what she would call it. We established that yes she wants one, she wants a girl and she would call it Lois from Malcolm in the Middle. Like I didn’t see that coming! Anyway, it was her turn to ask a question. So she looked at me and said “Would you rather DO Leonard Nimoy or Megan Fox?” I said “I beg your pardon?” and she smiled her sly little smile of innocence and said “What?!” I asked her what her interpretation of doing somebody was and she smirked and asked “Playing patti-cake with them?” Cheeky little shit, she knew exactly what it meant!

Sorry everybody, I’m back! We bought a new computer in November and when my Bill played some games on it, it got lots of viruses so we had to set it back to factory settings. I had no idea how to get back in to the admin page. Then (and this was really hard) I just thought ‘maybe if I write in the word admin after the website address’ and voila! How bloody stupid of me not to think it before!

Beth’s in the equivalent of year 10 this year! Scary and exciting at the same time. She’s quite enjoying it, not that she’d admit it to me. I have her home today because I found lice this morning when she kept scratching her head. I had checked and checked and finally did it with the comb and found one live one. Of course when combing her treated hair I found lots of dead ones. She was very happy to have the day off, the payoff for having to treat her hair was worth it to spend the day at home with me. She wore goggles anyway so it was no big deal. And I combed her hair while we watched the episode of Grey’s Anatomy that we had taped this week. So we’re actually having a lovely day. I made sure that she knew that she’d be going back to school tomorrow (Friday) and she said ‘Yes, I have art tomorrow.’ So she must enjoy art there. Let’s see if she tries to bung it on in the morning mind you. If she tries to tell me her head is itchy again I’ll know!

This year Beth is doing VCAL. I’m not sure how to explain it but it gives you credits to complete different courses – I think these go towards TAFE courses if that’s what you decide on. Beth is in her element and doing Media Studies, our first preference. I think the school realises that she needs to be doing something that she actually enjoys and it combines her love of movies and computers so she’s pretty happy. I still have no idea what she will do when she grows up (hell I’ve just figured it out and I’m nearly 49!) I saw a link to a mob in America who run a car wash which is run by adults on the spectrum. I actually love that idea and think it would be a fantastic business to buy. I think it would be one of those businesses where people would come to get their cars washed for the very reason that it’s giving the staff such good self esteem. I think when it comes to the time I will look into it. Not sure how Beth would go though, she’d be squirting herself with the hose all the time, I think she’d need one of those big waterproof suits. Otherwise it’d be like a wet t shirt competition and I don’t want that kind of thing, especially for my daughter!

We bought a second hand spa before Christmas. It’s been an absolute godsend. And it’s great for Beth. Most nights we go in it, sometimes just the kids but often me too. Paul isn’t as keen but he’s been in it a few times. Beth comes out of her shell when we’re in the spa, it’s lovely to see. No tablet in there at all, we play word games such as family feud or snog marry avoid. She’s particularly good at charades and she’s communicating so well with the other kids.

Bill is at high school now and Bridie is in grade 5 so she’s a buddy this year. For those not in the know, when kids start school in Prep/Foundation they get a big buddy, usually from grade 5 or grade 6. This is Bridie’s turn to be a buddy and she’s really excited about it. I’m back to study this year and I’ve decided that this year is going to be positive all around. I’m doing a weight loss challenge, here’s a link to my blog about that if you want a squiz, it’s very ‘out there’ in the sense that I’ve had photos taken of me in my underwear! They’re getting better though! As I want to be known as a writer I don’t mind if I am known as the chick who posed in her undies on the internet. Any publicity is good publicity. And as I go and can see the differences I’m liking my photos more and more. People are commenting, friends have joined the challenge, I’ve had lots of support. And lost 12 kilos in the process. I’m nearly at the half way mark of 15 kilos. I feel fantastic. I’m going to the dentist next week to ask about braces, I’m going into my 50th year trim and fabulous darling!

We’re having lovely quiet holidays. We bought a second hand spa a couple of months ago and had it installed properly last weekend so we’ve been in it every day since. Our backyard isn’t very big and we had wanted a pool. Then looking back over lots of photos of Dad with the kids I thought a spa would be easier to fit and a nice tribute to Dad. We’ve got a lovely one, here’s a photo of the kids and I on the first day.

Beth’s tablet finally broke for good and as it happens so did mine and Bridie’s so we had a disaster with no tablet for Beth for the week. It’s actually been quite nice. Paul went to Sydney from Wednesday until Friday and I had our food all ready and a cruisy few days. Beth played on the computer, we went in the spa, we played on the wii which we hadn’t done for ages. I bought Bill a Mario Kart game for Christmas and we’ve rediscovered all our old games, playing tennis and billiards against each other and racing around the track as Mario. It’s still electronic but it’s one that we can all play together and it was good fun. I had hoped that no tablet would mean more communication from Beth but no, she appears even deafer than she has before, totally ignoring me at times. I was thinking that there may be something wrong with her hearing but then remembered that she’s nearly 16 so that could be all it is!

We had visits to relatives which were lovely, pizza with the kids cousins one night, a couple of plays and sleepovers, slow paced and casual holidays, just how I like them.

I’m a bit peeved, I got a form from Centrelink this week, I have to get a medical certificate filled in to continue receiving a carers allowance for Beth. It’s $110 a fortnight. Don’t get me wrong, I do appreciate the extra money, I just think it’s ridiculous that because she is turning 16 we have to confirm that she still has autism. How lovely it would be if she grew out of it like she did her asthma. I get it with some kids. My friend’s son is so good now that he doesn’t even want people to know he has an aspergers diagnosis and is doing really well at school. And absolutely there has been improvements. But you’d think that in this day and age of technology that somewhere a box would be ticked to show the severity and dependency of their autism. I felt like crap because some of the questions were things like ‘does your child have a shortened life span’ or ‘do they use incontinence aides’ or ‘are there extended hospital visits.’ Just because she’s not disabled to that extent doesn’t mean that she doesn’t have special needs! Again I felt like I was making her out to be a vegetable. The criteria said that helping included prompting your child to do things. So it ended up with me saying that yes she needs help most of the time with self care, toileting, eating, even moving from one room to another. It just makes her sound so helpless. Yes she is in many ways but it shits me that I have to put it on the form if I want the assistance. A friend has told me that she lost hers after her son turned 16, and he’s at Beth’s school which is a special school. He’s even been in special education since he was 4, I can’t believe she doesn’t receive it anymore! We haven’t received the forms yet to fill in for Beth’s pension either, that one should be fun!

The kids are now getting pocket money and Beth is most pissed off that she now has to unpack the dishwasher every third day. She argues that it’s not her turn, not yet I’ll do it later, no she flat out just doesn’t want to do it. Yesterday it was her turn so I gave her the option of doing it before or after her shower, she chose after. She came out with a towel wrapped around her and I said ‘don’t forget, you need to do the dishwasher in a minute’ to which she replied ‘What, you want me to do it naked?!’ Smart arse!

It’s only the morning of day 2 of the holidays and already I’ve had an eventful morning. We spent yesterday literally doing nothing which was wonderful. I’m finding it hard going, lots of yucky things going on that I wont go into, back still hurting, missing Dad and Pat like crazy. I’d like to curl up in a ball and forget about Christmas but I just can’t. Anyway, I’m looking forward to all the lovely presents I’ve bought for myself.

Beth seems to be taking the whole Virgin Mary thing a bit far this year because she keeps telling me she’s pregnant. When she says it I ask if she’s been having sex with anybody and she says no. So I say she can’t be pregnant and she says that Mary was a virgin and she still got pregnant. She says it at least once a day. Last night she came out moaning telling me she was having contractions! I told her to go and do a poo.

I just thought I’d share with you my eventful morning. It wasn’t anything much in the scheme of things, just a series of incidents that make up my life and again remind me that we’d make a good reality show! Bill had his appointment with Miguel, his grief therapist. He’s from Chile. We missed the last 2 weeks as firstly Bill had camp and secondly it was the last week of the year so I didn’t want him to miss any of it. Anyway, originally I was going to cancel today, I am so tired and just over it all, but I got up this morning and thought bugger it let’s get it done. The girls weren’t terribly happy about it. So off we go, we got there a bit early and sat down waiting. Beth states that she hopes that he’s cute so she can ask him out. I told her that no, she can’t ask him out, he’s too old for her anyway. She wants to ask everybody out at the moment. He is pretty cute but as she seems to like the before shots of the boys on Snog, Marry, Avoid I feel he’s probably safe, too pretty for her!  So in goes Bill with him. I look down and notice that my skirt is actually on inside out. Beth is doing things like pressing the button down on the water dispenser. No cup underneath, just into the overflow thing. Bridie is lying in the middle of the floor complaining because she hasn’t had breakfast. Then she says she needs to go to the toilet. I get up to ask if we can use the toilet and a huge fart comes out. Literally falls out of me. I really need to do more pelvic floor exercises, otherwise by the time I’m an old woman I’ll be all fart! I think my talking loudly has masked it but no, apparently not according to Bridie. So off we go to the toilet, I of course let the girls go first as any good mother would, then when my arse is in the air about to hit the toilet Bridie opens the door to go out, straight on to the office cubicles! I was mortified! I am actually crying as I write this, luckily I can now see the funny side.

So Beth and I sheepishly make our way back to reception. Me making sure that she didn’t try to eat the gingerbread house positioned on the table we were walking past. It brought back memories of her first communion when she reached over to steal the bunch of grapes that were there for decoration! Miguel comes out with Bill and asks me to come in for a couple of minutes. Bill says it will be fine, he’ll look after Beth. I remember that I forgot to put my skirt on the right way in my hurry to leave the toilet but in I go. All good. We leave and I asked if Beth behaved herself. Not quite. Apparently she said very loudly to all who could hear that Miguel and I are having an affair! All this before 10.30am!