Autistic Children Blog

It’s been a busy week. It’s been the last week of term one, Beth’s birthday week and Easter to boot. Her birthday this year fell on Good Friday for the first time ever. So I had to make sure I had everything I needed due to shops not being open, also with school ending. It’s all sorted and over with now.

Beth had a market day at school on Tuesday. She had written me an invitation to come, it went from 11am to 1pm, she asked if I’d like to come and have lunch and had added at the end that I could take her home early. I double checked with her teacher at our parent teacher interview and she said that no, she hadn’t said that at all! She did say however that as we lived so far away that it would be fine. That suited me, I hadn’t bought all of Beth’s presents yet so we decided to go shopping on the way to picking the other kids up, seeing as we had a couple of hours up our sleeves.

We went to Endeavour Hills which is a smallish shopping centre. I was a little disappointed as we went to Big W and they don’t seem to have a teenagey section like K Mart does. I had bought her some funky tights a few weeks before and wanted to get her a long black top to wear over the top. As luck had it we saw of all things a muppets t shirt on the sale rack out the front for $7.00 so we bought that. We also bought some nice electric blue jeans from Grandma and Grandpa for her. We then went to the toy section and ended up buying a talking Marty from Madagascar, he’s a zebra. Why not? Beth may be 14 but as far as fun is concerned she’s like a much younger child. She loves it so that’s all that matters. We got her two black tops in a ladies shop outside.

We then went and had a look at anklets as Beth really wanted one. The lovely man was very nice as Beth said thankyou to him for getting them out to look at. She said “Thank you mister Chinese Man!” He laughed and said “I’m from Korea actually but thanks for the manners anyway!”

Afterwards we had hot chocolate for Beth, cappuccino for me, along with the donuts you get cheap with the hot drinks. Those lovely donuts with so much cinnamon and sugar that they end up hurting your teeth. Yummm!

Thursday Beth had her school assembly. All the birthday kids (and adults) get up if it’s their birthday that week. Beth got up on stage, loving the limelight. When it came time to her birthday wish she sang loudly in to the microphone “To be a muppet!” Everybody cracked up, they obviously love her humour there. There was a nice little bonus at the end when one of the male teachers had a wish that three of the young spunky male teachers did a line dance. And they did! Beth handed out lolly pops at the end of the day and had a lovely time.

Friday morning she woke up bright and early and opened her presents. She had also chosen a donut maker which Bill had given her, Bridie gave her some Stewie from Family Guy pyjamas. We had fish and chips next door at my inlaws house as being Good Friday we could only have fish to eat. Then Beth had pancakes for dinner, her favourite. Unfortunately they’re my favourite too and as nobody else ate them we had to demolish the lot!

Yesterday we went down to my dad and Helen’s house for Beth’s birthday and Easter. She was very happy with the herb pots she got from them. She was also chuffed with the Family Guy trivia game she got from my sister Deb, her husband Neil and their kids Ali and Rick. And the Family Guy t shirt. So she did very well this year indeed.

The only downside was that I had paid a bloody fortune for a card to be sent from the US, it was one from the tv show The Office, her new favourite. It says her favourite catchphrase “That’s what she said” in Michael Scott’s voice when you open it. Now I’m a messy person at the best of times and I just couldn’t find it. I prayed to St Anthony, I looked bloody everywhere and it just wasn’t there. I then found it outside, the darling doggy had taken it out there, chewed a little bit of it then left it in the rain, the whole thing was ruined. Bill then told Beth about it and of course she really wanted it so I’ve had to send away for another. So, I hope she appreciates the $40 card!

Oh my goodness, I’m very excited! My new little ebook is out for sale, only on Kobo at the moment but soon to be on Amazon and other sites. Here’s the link : http://www.kobobooks.com/ebook/Why-Dont-They-Like-Me/book-ksVTrCLBgkST5-EEIUK6qg/page1.html?s=3BHY8o2Y20mObwCmyECoKQ&r=1

It’s five social stories, one on getting your period, one on coping with bullies, one on fancying somebody who doesn’t fancy you back, one on losing games and one on computer games not being real life. I’m in the process of writing many more so please, please, share, share, share! And of course please buy!

Here is the gorgeous front cover, I know you’ll see it when you click on the link but I love it so much I want to share it here too! xx

Sorry it’s been a while since I’ve been on here, we’ve just been plodding along and not a lot has been going on. Beth has been amusing me as usual with her amazing knowledge of movies. The other night we were chatting in bed, often that’s when we have good conversations. Usually they’re about movies or actors. Beth said to me “You know there’s a movie called A Man Called Flintstone mum. It was made in the year you were born. (Which is back in the olden days of 1966.) It was the second Warner Brothers movie and was a parody of a James Bond film.” Of course she asked me to look it up and of course she was right. She’s amazing, she knows about movies from the 1940s – if they’re related to Disney, she knows about them.

I had Beth’s parent teacher interview today. I was a tad apprehensive as I know what a bugger she can be. The teacher was totally honest with me, she started off saying “No offence to Beth” then hesitated. Now often when people start a sentence with “No offence” it means they’re just about to offend you. But no, I didn’t take offence to this at all. Ms H told me that she was worried when she found out that she had Beth in her class but after teaching her she realised how much she enjoys teaching her. My Beth! Yippee! Beth is doing really, really well. She’s joining in group activities more and seems to want to get approval from other kids in the class. She even stood up for her table and did a spelling challenge, getting through to the grand final. She’s standing up for herself if kids bother her and other kids are standing up for her too, rather than seeing her as a bother. I’m so proud.

We did have a giggle about some of Beth’s antics. One day she was in an annoying mood so kept rapping (singing and doing funny hand things) in another girls face. When told not to do it she said that she was really cool so she was allowed to rap. They had a karioke day one day last week and Beth got up with two other girls to sing but did it all in a Scottish or Cockney accent. Ms H said that all the kids thought it was hilarious so Beth kept going. Ms H is aware of the difference between laughing at Beth and laughing with her but she said they were all enjoying themselves. Last week Beth was a bit defiant about a maths task, thinking that she’d been told to do only 50 sums instead of 100. She finished and handed it in. When told she had to keep going she tried to talk her way out of it. “I’ve been a good girl and I’ve completed my 50 sums like I was asked to do.” She wasn’t impressed when she had to stay in at recess to do them. I told her teacher about how happy I am with Beth’s vocabulary. She was in the car on the way home and couldn’t get through a level on a game on her ipad. I said that she sounded frustrated and she replied that no, she was contented with the game. She’s apparently very, very good at her English and is even getting there in maths, starting fractions and graphs which is excellent. All in all I am so impressed with her and a very proud mummy!

I have put a little ebook of social stories together so will put a link on here when I get the link to Amazon. I’m very excited, I’m finally going to be published!

I’m going to start with a wee bitch then go on to more important things. I say this because I feel it’s important to put it out there as it’s annoyed me so much in the last few days but I’m ok with it now. Speaking to one of my HAGS (Happy Autism Group Support) mummies recently I was told that when she first came to the area she was told by a mutual acquaintance that the HAGS were not a very nice group of mums. She was told that we were elitist and that we ‘got everything’ whereas the one doing the bitching got nothing. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I am so proud to be at the helm of a group of wonderful mums. We have had shaved heads (mine), dreadlocks, tattoos, piercings, people with various shades of skin colour, Dads, older mums, younger mums, we have welcomes the whole range. The only group we haven’t had are gay parents but as was pointed out to me yesterday we have got one or two gay grandparents so maybe we should welcome them along. I’m also not sure what it is that we ‘get’. If this means a room where we meet that we pay for then yes, I suppose we’re living the high life. I know the woman who has spread the rumours. I don’t think it’s necessary to go into my personal opinion  so lets just say I believe I have been professional in the sense that despite my reservations I have always made it clear that she would be welcome to come along to a meeting if she believes that any of her children may be on the spectrum. I’m not surprised that it was said, I’m just so disappointed that somebody could put their own agenda ahead of the needs of parents who are in need of assistance, parents just getting new diagnosis’ and not knowing which was to turn. I just hope there aren’t any others that she has done this to who have believed her lies. Anyway, it’s being dealt with so I’m not going to let it consume any more of my feelings, it’s just not worth it. Those who know our group know that is the furthest thing from the truth. And karma’s a bitch. On to happier things.

It’s been stinking hot the last few weeks. Not so bad that I’ve been worried about fires and not so bad that I can’t drive (just) but constantly hot every day and every night. I haven’t minded it too much but only because in our ‘new’ house we have good air conditioning. If we were still in the old place I wouldn’t like it at all. Everything seems to be better in the new place.

Beth has made a discovery with the hot weather. My regular readers will know that Beth has a penchance for salt. She loves salt. I’m not sure if normal sand in sandpits is salty or if, because of the sand at the sea, she thinks it is but she’s often eaten sand. I’m assuming that it is salty and that’s the reason why. I only knew this years ago when I couldn’t flush away the lump in the bottom of the toilet and finally realised that it was a mound of sand. Sorry for the visual but I’m sure you can guess how it got there!

Anyway, my kids schools have icypoles on over 30 degree days. (Sorry for those in the USA but I don’t know what that is in your temperatures.) 30 degrees here is just ok, over 30 is bearable, once you get over 35 it’s pretty awful though in my opinion. The temperature has been wavering in the low 30s so each day the kids have had an icypole. Beth kept forgetting to put her money in, then forgot where she put it but I think her teacher has gotten wise to her almost male like organisational skills and now double checks with her to see that she has icypole money. Beth gets in the car at night, knowing what I expect from her. She starts as though I have asked the question, even if I haven’t had a chance to. “What did I do today? Well I did graphs/maths/a Weary Dunlop project/ an Edith Cowen project”. (Impressive hey?) Then she says who she played with (usually nobody but she’s happy playing alone). Lately she’s added the icypole colour that she ate. One night she kept showing me her legs. I, thinking there was something wrong with them (or she was trying to make out like something was wrong with them) asked what her point was. They were sweaty. And salty. And being licked. Beth had discovered how much she liked the taste of her sweat. Fantastic!

That night we got home and I was on here checking my Facebook. I felt a warm breeze. I looked over and saw Beth sitting on the floor. On the heater vent. Seriously? The air conditioning was on, to counteract it Beth had put the heater on to 30 degrees! So that she could lick the sweat off of her knees! Funny bugger.

It’s Beth’s birthday at the end of next month and I have no idea what to get her. I went to the shops yesterday and was looking around. I ended up getting some lovely patterned leggins but I’m going to have to get her to try them on as their exchange time is only two weeks. I bought some smelly shower gels that were on special at the body shop but I don’t know whether it’s worthy of a present. I would ask in places like Typo who said how good they are with teenage presents but there just wasn’t anything suitable. It was so obvious that she just isn’t like so called ‘normal’ teenagers. When Bridie turns 14 I will be able to take her clothes shopping and get her nails and hair done, she’ll like all sorts of weird and wonderful things. Beth would say she wants things but then not know what to do with them. They had nice jewellery holders to hang up on the wall but she doesn’t want her ears pierced and her jewellery just doesn’t last very well. I just didn’t want to tell the shopkeepers my predicament, a) because I don’t want to be the “I have a child with autism” mum and b) because most of them are young and really have no idea what difference it makes anyway. And c) I don’t want to make her sound abnormal, she’s still a teenage girl turning 14. I came home and googled her two favourite shows, Family Guy (highly inappropriate but hilarious) and The Office – the American version. There’s a line in The Office that Beth likes to say over and over again as she downloads the main guy Michael’s scenes. He says “That’s what she said.” For some reason Beth loves it. I found a birthday card which when you open it it says “That’s what she said!” She’ll love it. Or she’ll go off of The Office. Who bloody knows! Anyway, I bought it. I also bought her Stewie pyjamas, the baby character from Family Guy. I made sure they didn’t say anything too rude. I’m also thinking of buying her a Melways. She’s been reading maps at school and when she got a lift to school with a friend a couple of weeks ago, apparently she sat and read her Melways! It’s a good thing to learn. Last year she got a Dictionary which she uses a lot. We’ve got an Atlas, I wonder what other information books I can think of?

I have been writing more social stories lately, I’m thinking of putting a little ebook together. I wrote one for a friend for her son on coping with death and she has kindly written a testimonial for me which I will put onto my social stories page. Any suggestions for stories are welcome, I’m going to do a series of them. I did have the idea of making little cartoon movies, like one we watched many years ago called Tom’s Toilet Triumph. It’s very graphic and works a treat, put that in to You Tube and you’ll see what I mean! I approached the film studio that made it hoping that they’d realise what a discovery they had made in me but alas they don’t do discoveries of up and coming talent but said that yes, they could make it for me for $4000. I think I have to make them as stories first, then get discovered so I don’t have to fork out any money.

Nothing much has been going on here. We’ve settled in to the new year at school without a hitch. Beth seems much happier this year and also a bit more organised, she comes out with her hat on every day when I pick her up whereas last year she kept forgetting it was even in her bag. She’s bringing notices home and tells me about her day. Mind you, I had signed a slip for a circus workshop that she was to do, I had forgotten the date and kept asking Beth if she had done it. She would tell me in a monotone voice (as if to say piss off mum and stop asking me questions) “No, not really.” which is often a stock standard response. She figures it’s longer than just saying no, therefore qualifying for a lenghthened answer. Her yes answer is “Yes of course”, also a sentence, therefore not needing any more elaboration. I was going through some papers on the weekend and found the one for the circus, it was in fact last Monday. Clearly it hadn’t impressed Beth that much who really couldn’t be bothered saying anything about it and couldn’t remember exactly what she’d done in it.

Beth did have a problem with her attitude at school on Friday. I was waiting in the foyer and one of the aides came out to tell me that Beth had been really rude to her. She was meant to stand in line to walk back from the other campus but, being the Queen that she is, obviously didn’t want to walk on such a hot day. She also wanted to make sure that everybody knew it by whinging and putting her hand right in the face of the aide who was trying to ask her to step back in to line. She then spouted her now typical line of “I’m thirteen and you can’t tell me what to do, I make my own decisions.” I’m sure you can imagine that she wasn’t impressed when the ipad was banned for the rest of the day. I had pleading, I had “it was an accident” I had “But I’m sorry, there I’ve apologized, now you have to let me play on the ipad.” I even had the old “Yes Beth, now you’ve apologized, of course you can have the ipad back sweetheart.” I was happy to see when I got home that, being a Friday, there were a few kids movies on tv that night as I had also banned her from dvds. Technically it was just watching tv and my night wasn’t a complete disaster! The good thing was Beth going in to school yesterday apologizing to her teacher. Sometimes you have to do the hard yards to show that you mean business.

Other than that Beth’s been pretty good. We had friends over on the weekend, one friend has tattoos on both of her arms. When we saw her at school yesterday Beth came over and gingerly stroked Jo’s arm, asking about the tattoos. She was particularly impressed with the red queen and the cheshire cat from the Johnny Depp version of Alice in Wonderland. She asked Jo where the caterpillar is and Jo said she wanted to get him but hadn’t gotten around to it. She asked Beth where she thought she should put it and Beth chose a place on her arm. “There please.” It was like putting in an order! Jo was impressed at how gentle Beth was being, as if she thought the tattoos were still hurting.

I have had a bit of interest in my social stories lately which has been very exciting. I’ve decided to put a few little eBooks together and sell them online with five social stories in each. I’ll let you know when I’ve done this. Any suggestions for social stories that would help would be terrific, I can do them on any subject.

I’ll leave you with a Beth funny. I was watching my soapie Bold and the Beautiful last night. It was a very emotional one as it was the one where Stephanie finally died. She’s been dying for a while now and every episode for the last week I’ve braced myself for her eyes to shut, thinking that it’s time, then she’d wake again. I knew it was time last night as Brooke sang When Irish eyes are Smiling. I embraced the tears, glad that I didn’t have to dread the moment now that it was here and enjoying the true soapie tradition of the long drawn out death scene. Then I heard Beth’s voice from the bedroom at full blast “We built this city, we built this city on Rock and Rooooo-oooolllll”. At least it made me laugh! I’m sure there’ll be more sad scenes tonight to compensate!

I just wanted to put a link on here of a video that was done probably two years ago now. It was done for a church group to show to kids about autism and how it’s not the scary thing that it’s made out to be. They wanted to show a child with a disability and one without and how they could be friends despite the odds. Beth’s friend Jessica came over for a play and to go to the park and this is the result :

Beth and Jess

My last post regarding parents who don’t have children on the spectrum, but seem to want them  has clearly struck a nerve in a lot of parents. I’m going to share some of the comments I got when I put the link on Facebook.

I also had people writing in disbelief that people would actually do this but time and time again I have seen it with my own eyes. I got emails from readers who felt that they had to let me know how they felt.

M wrote :

Sorry again, the last post didn’t work with the photos. Here they are! More to come xx

Once again this week I’ve been thrown into the confusion of why parents seem to want a diagnosis for their children if they don’t actually have autism or aspergers. I know I have spoken of this several times before but I still find it a hard concept to wrap my head around. I have become friends with a lovely lady who I wont go into too much detail about but suffice to say she’s doing it tough. She’s an amazing mother and two of her children are on the spectrum. One has aspergers and one has autism. She has been in the situation where people have questioned her as to whether her aspergers child truly has it as they are very high functioning. I believe that she does, I haven’t necessarily seen the signs myself but I have gotten to know this lady well enough to know that she doesn’t want to label her child unneccessarily and that it was suggested to her, unlike the mothers who I speak about above. Usually (from experience) ‘those’ mothers research and ask many many questions of parents with kids on the spectrum so that they know the right things to say at their appointments. Now I know that assessment is also based on the child itself but if the child is very young it is often based on what the parents tell the specialists. Often (and I know) these parents fill their kids full of sugar before an appointment or keep them up ’til all hours so they are tired. They may send them to school too early in their lives so they are always behind in their learning, proof in their minds that they have issues.

I have met several ladies who fall into this category. Of course I’m no expert but from what I’ve seen of these kids they’re just not on the spectrum. If they are then my Bridie is and I’ve had her tested so I know she isn’t! It dawned on me last night one of the reasons I find this so difficult. Why I don’t cope with parents saying “You should see them at home, it’s not always apparent but they do this and that at home”.  Or when Bec and I will be talking about our kids extreme behaviours and one of these parents try to empathise as if they knew exactly what we mean. I realised that I find this difficult because nobody has ever thought that about my Beth. Nobody has ever said “Are you sure?” Nobody has ever questioned my right to have a diagnosis for my child because it’s so bloody obvious. And I find myself in tears even writing this, even though I’m ok with it, even though I love my Bethie with all my heart, just the way she is. And I feel for my newfound friend who, because of all the charlatans out there before her and alongside her are making people doubt her parenting and questioning her motives when all she wants to do is be a good mum to her kids. And saying things to her like how it’d  be easier if their kids were on the spectrum, then they’d get more assistance. Don’t wish your child to be on the spectrum. Don’t wish your child to have anxiety, fear, no friends and dependance for the rest of their lives. Love your children for what they are, aspire for them to be the best that they can. How dare you try to capitalize on something that can be so debilitating, to the child, to the parents, to the whole family. How dare you.