Autistic Children Blog

Well Beth had a bit of a shitty day today apparently. She was fine when I dropped her off, happy enough to go to school. When I picked her up she came out in a good mood, she said she was excited because she got her Subway lunch order form for Wednesday. Then she told me, almost offhandedly, that she had met some bullies today. She elaborated, telling me that at morning tea some boys had thrown noodles at her and called her a slut. I asked her if she said anything back and she said that she told them that she isn’t a slut. I’m not even sure she knows what it means but clearly it was said with enough venom that she knew it was bullying. She also told me that she yelled at her teacher and told her she hated her because she was making Beth do PE. She said that her teacher was angry with her for yelling. I told her that it wasn’t appropriate to say things like that to anybody and that PE is part of schooling. I then asked her if anything good had happened and she told me that she played tic tac toe with a girl from class and kickball with a boy from her class. She doesn’t seem to be too distressed about the day but I’ve left a message for the coordinator to call me as I am obviously not happy. Hopefully tomorrow Beth will be supervised a little more closely, she has told me that she often eats lunch alone or doesn’t play with anybody. I guess they can’t watch all the kids all of the time but being a new child I hope they’d be a bit more diligent to start with. At least if I tell them what’s happened they will be aware of it.

Just a little postscript to let all my faithful readers know that Beth had a wonderful day today by her account. She came straight down the corridor to me, she said “Well today I did cooking and I’m in pale blue house and I played with this girl and that girl ……”. She now knows that she must tell me what she did before she can play on her ipad. She’s made two new friends. Cooking was fairy bread as the allergy forms were only sent out today but next week cooking will start properly. It didn’t matter, she loved making and eating fairy bread! She went on to tell her Grandparents about her great day and her Dad too, what a difference to “Stop talking now.”

I know now why Beth wanted me to sign her diary yesterday. When I left her at school yesterday she said “Ok Mum, I’ll see you when you pick me up early today.” I explained that she would be earlier than she had ever been at Primary School, that I would be picking her up at 2.45pm. When she brought her diary home I saw that it said in first period for Tuesday, “Dear Miss X, I will be picking Beth up early today, Love (with a heart) Mum xx” I had to explain to Beth that just because she writes it doesn’t mean that it’s true!

When I picked her up yesterday I asked what she did for the day. She told me that she hid in a broom cupboard because she wanted to go home. This was because they were doing PE which she hates. When I asked her if she did PE she told me that she watched so it seems that she got her own way after all.

I had to drop Beth at the other campus this morning because it was a day to sort out their house colours. This meant that we had to be there at 9am instead of 9.15. Beth commented that she thought she was taking Minka to the vets with me as our dog has a bit of an allergy. I said that no, I may take Minka on Saturday morning instead and that way Beth could come to help me if she liked. As we didn’t have the routine this morning we sat in the foyer of the main campus. Beth tried to lay down on the couch but I sat next to her so she couldn’t. Another girl sat down near us and we spoke. She said that she was new too and is in Beth’s class. I tried to suggest that they played together a little bit as she looked as lonely as Beth. I saw her tear up at one point when she saw a girl that I have had my eye on. I asked her if some of the girls had been mean to her and she nodded and wiped her eyes. I told her that it would get better, that it was really hard when you first start high school and that Beth was feeling a bit scared by it all too. She didn’t know where she was supposed to go and was feeling pretty overwhelmed by it all. She had caught the bus and been told to wait in the foyer where we were so I showed her where to go with Beth and off they went. I felt so sorry for her, at least Beth had me there with her, I can imagine how she would have felt in the same situation. It’s horrible starting high school for anybody, let alone anybody with a disability. I think too, in mainstream school there are always girls who like to take charge and look after the different kids but when they’re all different they either don’t really give a stuff or they don’t notice if somebody is out of place.

All my friends kids who have started high school too are either on camp or planning their camps. In mainstream high school they do it early in term one as a bonding experience. I haven’t heard anything about our camp, I’m just hoping that it’s not too soon. I think it would tip Beth over the edge, she has her security with us at home where she can chill out and play her Ipad and nobody gives her crap. I don’t think she could cope with being away just yet. If it was soon I’d want to say no but I don’t want to seem like a neurotic parent either. There has to be a time where I let go and let her try and spread her wings. Still, she’s still only 12 and my mothers instincts are telling me that she’s not ready yet. We’ll have a parent teacher night soon so I’ll see if the subject comes up.

I just got back from dropping the kids off at school. On the way home last night Beth had expressed worry about leaving her diary at school. Her Subway lunch order form for tomorrow was in there and there were things that I had to sign also. I reassured her that I would speak to her teacher this morning and fill in her order while I was there. I was pleased that she had acknowledged leaving it at school,  the awareness of expectations is a new thing and the start on the road to independance.

When we got to school this morning we waited in the courtyard for Beth’s teacher to come out. Beth still didn’t seem to know who was in her class or even which building she was meant to be in. I don’t know if it’s because she wanted to be with some other kids, whether she doesn’t care enough to remember or whether she’s still a bit confused and disorientated. When Miss X came out (I don’t want to use her real name) I told her that Beth had left her diary. She said she knew but like me she was pleased that Beth had realised this. She said that she was trying to teach Beth some more independance, she said that Beth will leave her bag wherever and not get her own pens etc. I agreed and said that that’s why we’re sending her there, so that she can get some independance. Miss X seemed pleased at this, that we are both on the same page. She said that yesterday Beth had seemed quite emotional up until recess when she had calmed down and had a good day. When we went into the classroom I had my back to Beth but heard a girl speaking rather nastily to her. She was telling Beth not to touch something (I’m not sure whether it was a chair or something on the desk), she said that it belonged to another girl. Beth ended up going to the end of the desks and sitting next to a boy. I felt like saying something to the girl as Miss X hadn’t heard this. Then after thinking about it on the way home I realised that, bitchy as it was, maybe that’s what Beth needs to learn that she can’t touch other peoples things all the time. We’ve tried to teach her that at home and she’s broken so many things of ours that it drives us crazy. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. For all I know Beth may have taken things from this girl and she was protecting her stuff. I didn’t like it but I have to suck it up.

I was in tears yesterday when I got to Bill and Bridie’s primary school. I think the enormity of driving three hours a day for the next six years had hit me. I hate driving at the best of times. I was planning on trying to get a job near Beth’s school but as they have cut down her hours I would only be able to work four hours a day. Even if I did that four days a week I’d basically be losing my family allowance to get paid much the same amount. And I wouldn’t be home all week. I’ll do my event management course and then I can work my own hours and from home. I think any more (at this stage at least) would break me. Of course I’m feeling quite fragile at the present time, it’s not nice seeing my girl unhappy, confused and lonely. Add to that driving for an hour and a half twice a day and coping with two other kids and their extra curricular activities and playdates, it’s no wonder I’m anxious.

Anyway, so far so good I guess. At least Beth isn’t saying that she’s sick all the time and that she hates school. She seems happy enough to go each day and she begrudgingly tells me about her day each afternoon. She’s certainly not clinging on to me when I leave. I think it’s the best I can hope for at this stage.

Well it’s Friday evening, the school week has finally started and it’s over already. I had great intentions of doing lots of cleaning but of course I didn’t. I got some shopping done, put some things on ebay, looked at courses online, did some vacuuming and washing, checked out facebook, lots of nothing things. Then it was time to go and pick up Beth!

I got a bit more info out of Beth last night. I don’t know how much of it is real and how much she made up to shut me up. We had seen a largish boy in the morning who was on crutches. He seemed nice and said hi to Beth. When I asked her last night who she had lunch with she told me the pudgy boy on the pogo sticks! Lovely! Luckily I think lots of the kids at the school are as blunt as Beth. I then asked if she did any specialist subjects other than being in the classroom. She told me that she did art and that she made a sculpture. She said it was a cross between Homer Simpson and Sheldon from the Big Bang Theory. She said it was called Shomar and it says Bazingdoh. She said it had Homer’s head and Sheldon’s legs. I’ll be interested to see if that one’s true! Lastly (and this is one I don’t believe) she told me that they took a walk to the local cemetary. When I asked her why on earth they would visit the cemetary she said “to die of course” in a matter of fact way. I’m surprised she didn’t add ‘der’ on to the end of it! I don’t think many people would visit if that was the case.

Paul took Beth to school this morning. He reported that she seemed a bit lost, they all had to meet in the courtyard and get into their class groups but Beth wasn’t sure where to go. When I picked her up tonight she told me that she once again had lunch with the boy with the pogo sticks. When I asked his name she told me it is Pudgy. I told her that that wasn’t an ok name. Hopefully he thinks it means cuddly! She did try to tell me of other stuff she had done but then told me she was making it up after I asked if she was fibbing. She said that she watched the other kids play basketball. It sounds like she’s settling in somewhat, next week should be interesting, five full days might be a challenge.

Well today went quite well I think. Beth was on the new middle school campus of her new High School and it’s a fabulous place, all refurbished but looking like brand new. We were shown through the offices and where the art room, cooking room and computers were. I laughed when they showed us the sick bay and told them that Beth LOVES it in there! One of the staff laughed and said that they were getting a bean bag for Beth for the classroom for her slouchy type time. I thought it was terrific that they had picked up so quickly with transition days what Beth needs for wind down time. There was a huge gym where we all sat to wait to see what class the kids would be in. We all met outside and to start with I found it quite emotional. Lots of kids said hi to Beth but she was so nervous and hardly spoke to anybody. Some kids looked so ‘normal’ for want of a better word and I wondered why they were in a special school setting. Some of them gave Beth looks as if to say she was a weirdo when she was jumping around in what was either nerves or excitement. I hate that, I know it’ll settle down as she gets to know them but it’s a stab to the heart each time I see somebody scorning my baby. I look forward to future times when she’ll be one of the ones hugging her friends that she’s missed over the holidays, excited to be back with them. I know it’ll happen but it’s hard to see the beginnings, not only for her but for me. During the night Beth had woken two or three times and told me that she wasn’t feeling well. She seemed much happier this morning though, she chose to wear her school dress and let me take photos.

I had promised her a magazine so Bill, Bridie and I went to the shops on the way home from dropping Beth off. Bill and Bridie don’t start school again until tomorrow. By the time we got home they just had time to watch a dvd and it was time to pick Beth up. All day I found myself thinking about her and really got nothing done. It’s a shorter day than I thought too. It was to be 9am dropoff and 3pm pickup. This meant that I would have to put my other two into before school care. They’ve decided to shorten their lunch time at Beth’s school though so school doesn’t start until 9.15am and finishes at 2.45pm. This means that I can drop Bill and Bridie off at 8.45am which is a supervised time, and still get Beth to school in time. It also means I wont be panicking too much if we’re running late getting Beth out of school. It does mean however that if I get a job close to her school it wont be able to be from 9.30 til 2.30 as first planned unless it’s just around the corner. Still, I’m going to do studying this year to hopefully become an event manager for autism speakers so I can work the hours I want after that.

We picked Beth up this afternoon and the first thing she asked was “Where’s Dad?” He’s taking her to school tomorrow so that I can take the other two for their first day of 2012. She must have gotten it mixed up. She said that she had had a good day and she looked happy but didn’t want to elaborate too much on what she had done. She did tell me that they did lists on what they liked and didn’t like. She had told them that she hated South Park (which must have been on when I fell asleep one night as I don’t like it either.) She told me the other day that she didn’t like it because they said bitch and  f&*k all the time. I was impressed that that was her reason for not liking a show. I just hope she didn’t tell them the reason in those words! I think it was too overwhelming with all three of us asking  questions so she ended up using her bored voice and kept saying “I dunno.” She just wanted to read her magazine and I’ve let her pop on the ipad for a while before I ask her anything else. As a special treat we got sundaes on the way home.

There’s only one more day this week which I think will be a good thing. I’ll let you know how we go tomorrow. x

I’m starting to feel a little bit sick. Tomorrow is Beth’s first day at her new school. Now that we are in and she is starting I’m just going to talk about it as her school rather than by it’s name. For any new readers, Beth has been at mainstream school all through her primary years and for the most part (thanks to an amazing school) it has been wonderful. For secondary school I realised that I had the option for a special school and I found one that I love. Beth has had several transition days which mainly have been very successful. She is going to find it hard though, going from having a one on one aide to having smaller classes with no aides. I know in my heart it’s what she needs, if she is to become independant in any way she needs to step up to the plate and conform, to do things for herself. I know she’ll hate it at first though and I have to brace myself for the mornings of her trying to make herself sick because she’s trying to get out of going to school. I’ll want to take her in my arms and tell her that she doesn’t have to go back there, that she can stay at home with me and I’ll home school her, that Mummy will protect her from things that she doesn’t like but that’s not real life and it’s not what she needs. And she’s not going to like it!

I’m also dreading driving an hour twice a day to take her and pick her up from school. We saw another special school that we are zoned for which means that we qualify for the bus. I didn’t like the school as much and she would have been on the bus for over three hours a day. I could have even gotten a full time job. My gut told me not to send her there though, it’s on a busy main road and they don’t shut the gates in the daytime. I couldn’t just push that to the back of my mind. You do what you have to do as a parent and as much as I hate driving, Beth’s school is the best place for her so that’s where she shall go. I just have to suck it up.

Anyway, the holidays have been lovely. I think it’s the first time in the last seven years that I have said this – I enjoyed the school holidays! Paul was home for a lot of it, we headed down to my friend Catriona’s house last week in Inverloch for boogie boarding (yes I tried it and loved it),  walks on the beach with the dogs, canoeing (not me) and an attempt at sailing in Paul’s wee new boat. It’s been lovely, we’ve had all day playdates at Bec’s house, lots of pyjama days watching My Name is Earl episodes and lots of visits to the new house which is under construction. I’m ready for them to go back to school but I haven’t gone too crazy. I can safely say (amazingly) that after six weeks of school holidays I still love my kids!

Now to end with a couple of Beth funnies. Or more like Beth rudies which I find funny anyway. She’s been watching various clips on you tube and has obviously picked up some bad language. Not so bad that she must be banned, it’s more the manner in which she says them. For example if she wants her breakfast she might come out and say “Where’s my Goddam breakfast?!” She’s been saying this quite a bit, luckily with a cheeky grin on her face to show that she knows she shouldn’t and she’s just trying it on!

Another is that we were having a swim at my sister Deb’s house on Sunday as it was a stinker of a day. We took Minka the Wonderdog with us to meet my niece Ali’s new puppy Tala. They were playing around (this was before the both jumped in the pool and I got a mouthful of wet dog – yum) and Ali said to Beth “Look Beth, they love each other.” Beth’s reply, “Why, are they lesbians?” I don’t know whether Ali was more shocked that Beth said it or that she knew what it meant!

Lastly – sorry this ones a bit gross, you might want to miss it – all three kids and I were in my bed last night watching the Big Bang Theory. Bridie had come in last and pushed in between Bill and I who were trying to have a cuddle. Bill complained “It’s all squishy!” Beth, quick as a wink, said “What is, the poo up your back?” I don’t know why she thought of it but as we are a toilet humour type of family we all cracked up, including her! She’s such a cheeky bugger!

We took the kids to the drive in on Saturday. Bridie had been for the first time the week before but as a family we had never been to the drive in before. We went with Amanda and Geoff and their three boys. Similarly to us  their oldest child Lachlan is on the spectrum and he’s the same age as Beth. He’s going to mainstream high school next year so Amanda and I will have lots of comparisons to make as far as high schools are concerned.

We set off at 7.30pm to get to the drive in in plenty of time. When we arrived we went to the cafe for donuts then set up with our foldup chairs in front of our cars. Beth and Lachlan soon decided that the car was a much comfier option and climbed back inside. The movie we had decided to see was The Muppets and it was bloody hilarious! I never watched the show that much growing up but now want to see the series as do the kids. It was so funny. Amanda and I laughed, if it wasn’t Beth calling something out from the car it was Lachlan. You could hear Beth saying things like “I told you it was just like Sesame Street didn’t I?” Lachlan got quite heated when he thought the bad guy was going to win and came out telling Amanda how much he hated him! They were very entertaining. A bonus for Beth was that Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory (her new favourite show and character) was in it. Each morning she wakes up saying to me “Remember when we went to see the Muppets?” so she clearly loved it!

I was surprised how full the drive in was. It was filling up again when we left too so obviously the grown up entertainment was about to start. I saw two friends from kinder even though it was about 1/2 an hour drive away from home. It was good value mind you, $28 for a carload. It often costs over $50 for the five of us at the cinema and at times there are hardly any other people there.

Poor old Bridie had an accident where her arm smashed a window on Sunday. Thank God Paul was home. I don’t cope with things like that. In fact I didn’t cope so much that I fainted, vomited and had to go to bed for the rest of the day! I thought that I had gotten better with things like that since having the kids so maybe having Paul at home meant that in my mind I had permission to flake. It didn’t help matters any with Beth asking periodically if Bridie or myself was going to die, in fact it freaked poor Brides out even more!

The rest of the week has been fairly quiet. Paul has taken the kids to his sister’s place today as she lives just near the beach. I’ve been trying to make room for my soon to be new ikea shelves! It’s a stinking hot day today so I’m glad not to go out.

We’ve had a fairly quiet school holidays so far. The week that Paul was away ended up being much more relaxed than I anticipated. We spend several days at home because the weather was so ridiculously hot, since then the weather’s been fairly crappy, not like summer at all, but I guess that’s what we get living in Melbourne. We all enjoyed the break from doing anything much and spent lots of time watching dvds, reading books and having pyjama days. We had a friend’s son Jose over one day for the day while his mum Cat worked. Jose has aspergers and is 14. Beth quite fancies him and says movie type things such as “Sweet, sweet Jose” when I mention him. He’s a lovely kid and the boys had a good time but it was very intense. They were watching cricket and Jose was yelling at the tely. Similarly when they played a game on the wii that Jose took a while to master, he would yell his disappointment and get Bill to do the hard bits. He didn’t do it in a horrible way at all but it was fairly full on. It was interesting to see my quiet boy adapt to suit this sports loving 14 year old. He loves Jose as any 10 year old boy would and was happy to do what Jose wanted. I did have to pull Jose up a couple of times when Bill was adjusting the volume on the tv or racing to their next activity but I knew Jose wasn’t being bossy to be mean and they seemed happy enough. I asked Bill a couple of times if he was ok and he said yes. I am so conscious that, as I have made friends with many people with kids on the spectrum, this in turn puts my children with their’s whether they choose this or not. As it’s more common for boys to be on the spectrum than girls it usually ends up being Bill who plays with them. Girls also tend to do their own thing. This may be a huge generalization but in our case Beth is happy in her own pursuits. Boys tend to play in packs, even if it’s side by side on a computer game. Anyway, Bill does love the friends that he’s made and it’s certainly made for a lovely natured boy, always happy to play with the kids a little different, almost always tolerant and generally an all round good kid. At least if I’m aware if it gets too much, and if he’s happy, then all is well.

We went for a play to Bec’s house in that week too, always fun as all the kids play so nicely. Beth watches her videos, Bill runs along with Will (and sometimes after him) and Bridie and Kasey put on huge productions for Bec and I! Angus (Bec’s toddler) joins in with everything and Bec and I sit and chat, for hours at a time. Bree turned up in the afternoon, bringing Aullin to play with the girls. We were just missing Liz from our motley crew of four but we are planning a catch up again this week.

Paul came home last Sunday morning. I was surprised how well we coped without him. I think that when you’re not expecting somebody home at night your mind set is different, you can’t afford to get stressed and think “Where is he?” so you cope because you have to. Sunday was awash as Paul caught a flight at 11pm on Saturday, flying to Melbourne and losing three hours, he got no sleep so spent Sunday grumpy and falling asleep everywhere. Needless to say I was not sympathetic! The kids were happy to see him. I think Beth found it confusing for Paul to be away with her stating when he called “Dad, you’re alive!” I don’t know what she was really thinking, surely she wasn’t really thinking the worst? I’m not sure if we should be worried that she really thought that Paul was dead, or be worried that she really didn’t seem that worried about it! Bridie made a huge sign for him that said We missed you. She also made him a card that she made the other kids write on. Out of all the kids Bridie is by far my most difficult and also my most lovable. She loves to pamper us and really just wants to have our full attention.

We had another playdate with Cat and Jose this week and organised for our family to go with theirs to Inverloch for a few days the week after next. I had a road trip to IKEA with my mother in law Bev. I love that place! I had bought the expedit shelves that are 16 squares so wanted some boxes for them. I want some more shelves now, I’m a bit obsessed. I’ve even ordered my new phone (my contract is up) with a free xbox and kinect so that I can sell them when they come and buy another shelving unit. We can’t really afford them at this stage so I figure as I’ve sacrificed getting a smart phone for a crappier one I can get my shelves with the proceeds.

We’re going to the drive in tonight to see The Muppets. Beth has been asking when she can go to the movies with her friends from school but I think they’re away. I’ll have to send them an email. I think school ending has hit her worse than I thought as she was distressed last night telling me she was missing her friends. She knows she wont be with them this year and as she hasn’t made new friends yet it’s heartbreaking to see her feeling like this. They are her safe place as far as social interactions go, they like her for who she is and she knows they’re not going to be mean to her. I hope she makes friends soon at the new school. Still, it’s good to see that friendships are important to her, that she wants them so badly. Poor love, high school’s horrible enough without the added anxieties that our kids have.

Wow, another year gone! Unbelievable. I can’t believe that my big girl is starting High School this year, it’s just flown by. I’m not a big one for new year’s resolutions (I always break them) but it is nice to reflect on the year and to look forward to new beginnings. We have some huge changes this year, Beth’s schooling for one and moving house for another. We’ve been in the process of subdividing my inlaw’s block for 4 to 5 years now, finally the building work has begun. It has stalled for the Christmas/New Year period but it’s looking good so far. I’m very excited! We’ve always lived in a ‘renovators delight’ in the past. Much as I love character homes there’s a fine line between character and old and crappy. I’m looking forward to living in a real grown ups house where things don’t need fixing and everything’s new. I’m also looking for a part time job. I’m hoping for Bunnings or IKEA as I want lots from both of them so a discount would be handy! Also, they both have stores close to Emerson so I could just drop Beth off, go to work and get back in time for school pickup. I’d also like to be on my way to writing a book if I can organise myself. I have a few ideas in mind, all of them around life with my girl. I just need to make a start.

It’s going to be a huge year for Beth starting at her new school. It’ll be a battle to start with which I’m dreading. Beth’s going to find it hard to do things for herself and get independant but, difficult as it’ll be to start with it’ll be well worth it in the end. If we want Beth to be able to live in society with even a semblance of independance then this is the place she needs to be.

Christmas this year was exhausting as usual. Some of you may remember that I went into hospital last Christmas Day with pneumonia and pleuracy. Horrible as it was it was much more relaxing than the Christmas rush! This year especially was tiring. School didn’t finish until the 23rd of December. We had Bethie’s graduation on the night of the 20th and Christmas Carols at school on the 21st. We were already buggered even without Christmas. Christmas Eve we went down to Rye to my Dad and Helen’s house so we didn’t get home ’til about 10.30pm after having to slow down at every house with lights. Christmas Day we went to Paul’s family at Bon Beach and Boxing Day we went to family friends at Frankston. Individually these were all lovely days but for me (I’m a real homebody) it was just a bit too much. Add in visiting interstate relos and popping in to other friends and I was a wreck by the end! The kids did well as always. Beth got her ipad 2 which she of course loves. I’ll have to download some apps onto it to help with speech therapy which Rod (our speech therapist) is going to send me. She’s content with youtube though and checks out Disney like it’s the stock market.

This week is the opposite of last week. Paul is in Perth for the World Sailing Championships. I’ve been dreading this week ever since Paul told me he was going. Paul took the kids out over the weekend and a couple of times last week so I took the opportunity to take the Christmas tree down and sort a bit of the house out. It’s amazing how much better your mind feels when your house is somewhat clean. It’s stinking hot at the moment, three days in the high 30s and today is meant to hit 40 degrees. I’ve told the kids that we’re not going anywhere while it’s this hot so there’s nobody nagging to go somewhere or to have a play. So far so good. It’s only day two but we had a lovely day yesterday. I must admit I am letting the kids play on electronics a lot and watch dvds when they want but hey, whatever gets you through the night. Happy Mummy happy kids. I’m reading my new Stephen King book, we’ve bought the series of My Name is Earl which we all love, we have food in for a whole week, I’m prepared.

I’d just like to wish all of my readers a Happy New Year. 2012 is shaping up to be a huge one. 2011 was a funny year. For me it was full of socialising which I loved! I cemented some true friendships and found room for fantastic new ones too. I did lots of procrastinating, lots of worrying, lots of crying. More importantly, lots of laughing. I feel like this year is a whole new start and I can’t wait. Thankyou for sharing our journey with us so far, I’ve loved your support and look forward to continuing with lots of news in 2012.