Autistic Children Blog

I’ve got a spare moment to myself. Paul has taken the kids shopping for my birthday which is on Tuesday. I’m very excited! I do celebrate my birthday each year big time and this year is no exception. I’m going to Bec’s house for an all day feast this year with a couple of the girls. Monday morning school goes back so I’m going to a friend’s for an indian head massage, Tuesday is the food festival and Wednesday is going back to Weight Watchers followed by a visit to the dentist! Happy Birthday to me!

We’ve had a good time these holidays. Beth and I went to Sensational Kids on Wednesday but I haven’t had a chance to tell you about it until now. Rod and Beth made up an alien and it was called a thalangill. Rod asked Beth to describe a thalangill. With her usual humour the first descriptive word was thalangtastic! She’s so ace! Rod showed her what he meant by writing ‘is 2 times bigger than an elephant.’ Beth then went back to her original idea of making us laugh by writing ‘silly billy.’ Then she wrote ’53 time longer than a ball.’ When Rod asked her to draw the thalangill using the descriptive words she drew an amusing cartoon like character who was really silly – which he was. She didn’t get the descriptive side of it really so to get away with not knowing just kept on trying to make us laugh.

Rod told her that the thalangill was in the cupboard in the hall and Beth ran down to look for it. When Rod told her that she had scared it and it had run away he tried to get Beth to explain why it was scared of her. She used words like ‘messy’. Rod gave her multiple choice such as 1) because it eats apples, 2) because you ran too fast and 3) because it saw your shoes. Beth answered the first one and clearly had difficulty in grasping the concept. She then snuck down the corridor to find it again and I commented to Rod that I wasn’t sure if she’d understand it if she couldn’t then find the thelangill. Rod thought that she would be ok with it and when we found her she had the solution that she was in fact the thelangill. Case closed. Rod had a good suggestion re Beth’s fear of school. He suggested that I got her a diary or worry book to write down if she is anxious about something. She doesn’t seem to be able to verbalise what is wrong so perhaps she can write it down. It can’t hurt. Beth’s session with Whiskas (not her real name), the Occupational Therapist went well and Beth made cards for her friends Jessica and Erin asking them to come over for a play.

Thursday was my mother in law’s birthday so we all went out for lunch with my sister in law and her partner. I had forgotten to take Beth’s DSi with us and she was a bloody nightmare. It just showed how much worse she has gotten as she’s got older. If she’s not having a good time she’ll make damn sure that nobody else is either. She will nag and moan and cry until she gets her own way. The problem is that I don’t like to reward that sort of behaviour so it really comes down to a battle with us as neither of us will give in. I try to negotiate but of course Beth will have none of that and starts to pretend to talk in my voice to get the answer that she wants. For example if she wants to play on the computer and my answer is “in a little while, when I’ve finished”, Beth will say – very loudly and high pitched, just to accentuate how annoyed and annoying she is – “yes Beth of course you can play on the computer, here you are darling.” I lost it with her yesterday morning as Bill and Bridie were fighting and Beth was going on and on, honestly she does my head in sometimes! Anyway we had a nice lunch for Bev’s birthday despite Beth’s moaning, then we went to visit our new Grand Nephew at the hospital. Beth was happy enough there as she found a TV Week magazine and sprawled out on the bed oblivious to anybody else!

I’ll try to make an appointment at Emerson this week to take the reports in that I got from the school in the last week of term. I will explain that I would rather transition Beth from term 3 but my gut is telling me that no matter what we wont find out until term 4. Really, it probably will be enough transition time, I guess I’m just impatient and want to know now. I would say it’s because they want to know what level of funding we will be getting from the government before they make their decision. Fair enough too, still, it’s so hard to wait!

I took all three kids to the dentist yesterday. I felt very brave as going to the dentist has been my biggest phobia ever since I can remember. My babies were so good!

I had been to the doctors and spoken with them about a scheme through enhanced primary care with Medicare. It’s a special dental scheme and if your child has issues with their teeth because of their condition or disability then you can get a referral to a dentist under it and get approximately $4000 of dental work for free. Beth had lots of problems when she was younger and had to go to the dental hospital for work so I was anticipating a similar thing. She grinds her teeth so some of her top ones are quite small. The dentist commented on this but said she was probably too young for crowns. The only other things were two fillings that need doing. She cleaned Beth’s teeth for her and said as Beth was so well behaved she didn’t think that the fillings would be a problem. We’re going back in a week and a half. Bev (my mother in law) came with me and took Beth off for teeth xrays while the dentist saw Bill and Bridie. Bev said Beth was excellent with this also even though it was an awkward thing to do. Bill and Bridie went well too with Bridie needing to get seals on her back teeth.

When I went to pay I suggested that perhaps we didn’t do it through the enhanced primary care scheme after all as hardly any work had to be done. The receptionist told me that the scheme is finishing at the end of this year so if you’re reading this and contemplating using the scheme I’d talk with my doctor about it now. The dentist was so lovely that I’ve made an appointment to go and see her myself next Wednesday. I’m already having palpitations!

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before but Beth loves a show on ABC2 in the mornings called Giggle and Hoot. There’s a man (Jimmy Giggle) and an owl (Hoot). They present some of the kids shows at various times of the day but we watch the morning one between eight and eight thirty. They have what’s called a giggle gallery where kids send in pictures they have done. Beth did a picture earlier in the year and sent it in and we watched and watched it to see if it would be shown. After quite a while I told Beth that it probably wouldn’t be on and that she should do another picture. As you write the child’s age (this doesn’t get shown on tv) I thought that they may look at the picture from a 12 year old and think it wasn’t very good. This time I sent a letter with the picture explaining our situation and telling them how much it would mean to Beth to see her picture on tv. Well Beth got a card from ABC yesterday to tell her that her picture would be on this Monday 18th July at 8.30am! She’s so excited. It actually finishes at 8.30 so if anybody wants to see it I would put ABC2 on at 8.20ish.

We’re off to Catriona’s today, my friend who has the house in Inverloch wher we visited in the last school holidays. She’s moved into a new house in Emerald so we’re off to check it out. Beth quite fancies her boy Jose who has aspergers. He’s totally unaware of this which is probably a good thing as Beth can flutter her eyelids and blow kisses to her hearts content and he couldn’t care less! She’s turning into quite the flirt. We’re surviving the holidays well, keeping busy works. Paul has Wednesday onwards off. Beth and I have Sensational Kids tomorrow so I’ll write more then. xxx

So far so good as far as the school holidays are concerned. Bill and Bridie had an absolute ball at the program at the local church, the people there were lovely and the kids felt right at home. Beth and I had a nice 3 days doing what we wanted which luckily for me involved lots of vegging at home!

Yesterday (Friday) we went to Bec’s house for a playdate. We love going there because not only do the grown ups get along but so do all the kids. Beth was asking all week when we were going there, she loves going to visit Bec’s. It may have something to do with the fact that they have Disney Channel which we don’t but it really doesn’t matter, a happy Beth makes for a happy Mummy so we all had a ball. Bree was there with her kids too and Prue popped in for a little while so there were numerous kids running around and numerous mums sitting drinking copious cups of tea and gossiping. My idea of a good day!

Beth was very cute and I thought I’d share some of her things that make her unique and our Beth. She was watching a show on dancing and was up doing all the moves. Bec has two dogs, Tyson and Lily. Tyson is old and not all that fussed about playing with Beth but Lily loves the attention. Bree pointed out how much she loves that Beth talks to the dogs as if they were people. We could hear her saying to Lily “Come on Lily, do this dance move with me!”

Bree’s oldest boy went in to check out what was going on in the lounge. Beth’s always had a bit of a thing for him, he’s a gorgeous boy and very good with Beth. Bree let me know that Beth had asked him out on a date. He’d kindly told her that he already has a girlfriend and wanted to ask his mum if it was ok to lie about this. I thought it was so sweet that he thought to spare her feelings  by letting her down gently. I then heard Beth talking to him later and thought that she was nagging him about going out with her. No though, she was trying to get him to recite lines from movies with her but he couldn’t remember any.

It’s so nice to go somewhere where people ‘get’ Beth. As Bec’s boy Will has autism there’s never any stresses when we go there. If Beth watching Foxtel for the day makes her happy and not get into mischief then that’s ok. In fact it’s lovely to sit with friends and laugh about how cute Beth is being rather than thinking she’s weird because she’s wanting to dance with a dog! Good friends are even more important to you when you have challenges in your life and I’m always grateful for them. To quote a saying from the ever wise Bree – I am rich in friends.

It’s the first Thursday of the school holidays and I’m still somewhat sane. I am attributing this to the fact that the two younger children are in a school holiday program with the local church for three days this week. I drop them off at 10am and pick them up at 4pm. They feed them too. It’s a bargain, $90 for the both of them. The only downside is that I know they’re basically eating party food the whole time they’re there but for the sake of my sanity I’m willing to turn a blind eye.

Beth and I have been having a lovely time. We’ve been having pancakes for lunch and doing bugger all for the day. She’s so easy compared to my Bridie who needs to be kept entertained all the time. Bill’s pretty easy too as he’d play XBox all day if I let him. Beth will read or watch dvds or play on the computer, when we’re home she’s not hard at all. Or at least when she’s doing what she wants to do.

We went to see Kung Fu Panda 2 on Monday. My friend Amanda came with her boys too. The movie wasn’t actually as bad as I thought it would be and Bridie and I only had to make one trip to the toilet this time so she must have enjoyed it too! I did have a laugh when we sat down. Amanda’s Lachlan (her boy on the spectrum) was picking his position and when he was asked to move wasn’t happy as he had the prime spot. I told Amanda about an episode of Big Bang Theory when they went to the movies and Sheldon did the exact same thing! It’s so funny watching that show knowing that Sheldon has so many aspie traits though I don’t think the word has actually ever been mentioned. We went for drinks afterwards but Beth was in an especially petulant mood and kept doing things like picking at the leather on the seats that were peeling or grumbling really loudly, just enough really to piss me off which she seems to have down to a fine art. But then that’s kids in general isn’t it?

Something else she does that is especially annoying is watching You Tube clips really loudly on the computer. Do anybody elses kids do this? The problem is that the headphone cord broke in the socket so they don’t work on the computer. For some reason she prefers the computer to the laptop where we do have headphones. I keep yelling at her to turn it down and she does for two or three minutes and then it’s right back up again. If I call her on it, telling her that You Tube is only for the laptop, she scrolls the page down just enough so that the You Tube title is out of sight and tells me that it’s not You Tube at all as you can’t see it anywhere on the page. She’s not stupid I can tell you!

We’re going for a play to Bec’s house tomorrow and then it’s the weekend and we will have survived the first week.

Paul took our son Bill to the wrestling last night. Not everybodies cup of tea. I must admit though that I felt some nostalgia, I remember going to Festival Hall with the family when I was young and watching the wrestling. Also watching it at noon on a Sunday, just before Daktari was on the tely; along with our cooked brekkie and roast dinner that was routine in our house. Bill loved it and has raved about it all day today.

This left me at home with my girls. We had fish and chips before the boys left, Beth was in her usual position on the computer and Bridie chose a Blues Clues dvd that we hadn’t seen before. Beth kept getting up to watch it with Bridie. They then chose the Tweenies together and were very cute doing the Hokey Pokey and other dances together. They do get along well together and with me supervising actually managed to have a lovely night. I did have to stop Beth from saying all the words in the Tweenies, something that understandably pissed Bridie off no end but as they were both singing the songs I left that be. The beauty of the Blues Clues dvd was that Beth hadn’t seen it either and therefore didn’t know the words. She did answer questions and was quite interactive through the whole thing which I never tire of watching.

I got together with my other girls during the week – my friends – and I thought I’d share some of our observations. As many of my readers are probably reading because you also have a child with autism, you may agree with me that autism seems to be at almost epidemic proportions at the moment. Kids are getting diagnosed left, right and centre.  I do believe that there has certainly been a rise in autism, for a variety of reasons. The additives in our foods, the medical advances made to help us to concieve (IVF), to stop miscarriage, to keep kids born too early alive, all of these things wouldn’t have been possible 20 or 30 years ago. Nature weeds out the weak, medicine does all it can to keep our precious ones alive.

 I also believe however that it is too easy to get a diagnosis these days. I know they’re not all like my Beth, I know lots of kids that are nothing alike but all have diagnosis’ somewhere on the spectrum. I used to be pretty good at picking our kids on the spectrum, as is my boy Bill. He’s say to me if he thought somebody had it and often he was right, they were just undiagnosed. These days I hear of somebody having a diagnosis and I’m dumbfounded. Now obviously I’m no expert and the spectrum seems to be becoming wider and wider but really are these kids all on it?

My friends Bec, Bree and I often laugh at how many autistic or aspie traits we have. I have lots of obsessive compulsive things and on the layman’s aspie test we all score high. The average female for example would be a 14 or 16, if the score was over 32 you’d be considered to be on the spectrum. My score was 29 and the other girls were similar. There’s a little bit in all of us. I could get a diagnosis of some sort for my Bridie if I really wanted to, she has selective mutism as well as dreadful behavioural issues. She’s not autistic though, I know that but she’d be pretty high up on the list.

In this day and age of freedom to explore, to be who we want to be there are those kids who thrive, who cope well and make the right decisions and will become good citizens of the community, caring for others and not being influenced by how other people perceive they should be. There are others however who need guidance, who need discipline, who need to be told no and what’s right from wrong. There’s nothing wrong with either way of raising your children if it works for you. I’m a big believer of minding my own business when it comes to others child rearing, who’s to say my way is the right way? I overindulge my kids, I let them get away with much more than others I know. I still however am their parent, not their friend. I believe my kids are fairly well behaved, they have manners and sit at the table during meals. They get told no many times. They don’t like it but that’s tough, that’s my job. I think there are a lot of kids around who don’t have these boundaries then act up when they get to school. The parents wonder what’s wrong, what’s happened to my lovely child, they’re not like this at home? That’s because they’re not disciplined! The parents think there must be something wrong with their child, specialists are called in and a label is given. Obviously this isn’t always the case but I believe that sometimes it is. These kids don’t cope with structure because they’ve never had it. School is reality, life is about towing the line, about doing what you are told, about being told no. It sucks but there it is. We’d all like to think that life is all about us but really, it’s not. (Except of course in my case where it is!)

Anyway off my soapbox! We took the kids rollerskating this morning. I’ve learnt the hard way that it’s much easier for me to walk around in normal shoes than get pulled over by my giraffe of a daughter in roller skates. Beth towers above me, especially on wheels but she had a grand time and tried her best. Bill is getting quite good and Bridie too. It’s school holidays now so the fun begins. We’re off to see Kung Fu Panda 2 tomorrow. Just need to keep my sanity!

I feel as though all I’ve been writing lately is doom and gloom. I wanted to apologize for that in a way, I know my regular readers will understand my frustrations and depression but I don’t want it all to be negative. I’d like to reiterate the positive things in our situation.

Firstly my daughter is basically just ace! She’s an amazing girl, she’s funny and she’s beautiful and she’s smart and I’m so proud of her. I wish people could know her like I do and I know that the people who do know her get great pleasure in her company as she can be entertaining and loving and lots of fun to be with.

I’d like to also mention the support that we get. I can’t say enough about my inlaws but as they read this I don’t want them to get a big head! Suffice to say that they’ve been there every step of the way and couldn’t have been more supportive if they tried. I love that we’re really an extended family unit and spend most weekends and occasional holidays together. In fact our whole family has been incredibly supportive of us and I know would drop anything if required to help out.

I’d also like to talk about our Primary School. I can’t think of a better place to have sent Beth in her junior schooling. I know I’ve said that if given the opportunity I would have transferred Beth to special school in grade 4 or 5 but really, if we were going to go anywhere mainstream it would have been right where we are. They’ve been amazing over the years and I think the school will be a bit quieter (in fact I know!) and a bit emptier without my Bethie Boo there. Despite the difficulties that Beth has been having recently they’ve gone above and beyond their duties and are trying their very best to make Beth’s last months there positive ones. The other kids in the class have on the whole been fantastic with her. Because our school caters to many kids with differences the so called normal children take a lot of things in their stride. It’s been such a positive experience having Beth there, not just for us but I believe for the rest of the students and staff.

The report that I mentioned (and I still choke up thinking about it) was a necessary one to get our funding. I was warned that they would make Beth out to sound horrific as that what was needed. I think the hardest thing I found was that even though they made Beth so bad they were also true. They were harsh truths and so awful to read on paper but that’s what had to be done. I know school found it difficult and most likely would have shielded me from them if they could,Sadly it was something I had to read. Thank goodness reports like this only have to be done at the beginning of primary and high school.

My kids in particular have been amazing too. Bridie is still a bit too young to understand but Bill is so protective of Beth. He’s patient with her and in turn this has made him more tolerant with other kids on the spectrum. He’s a sensitive boy so I’m hoping that he wont be like me and take Beth’s problems to heart. Both he and Bridie will play well with Beth and include her when asked in their games.

Lastly I’d like to mention my wonderful friends. I think we’ve been very lucky on this count as I’ve heard stories about people losing friends over their child having autism. We haven’t had that happen at all, or if we had they mustn’t have been that good a friend in the first place. The great thing is that I have made some wonderful friends due to Beth’s autism too. It’s amazing how quickly you bond when you have similar issues with your kids. Of course not all of my friends are to do with autism, just as it’s not all Beth is it’s not all I am either. I think that the older you get the more choosy you become with your friends and I truly believe my friends have got me though the tough times. With the friend who do have kids on the spectrum  we’ll often end up in tears of laughter due to something or other that our kids have done. How politically incorrect! I believe though that if you don’t laugh you’ll cry and I thank God for those who remind me of this every day.

So on that note I’ll go. I’ve had gastro the last few days so I’m feeling like crap. I wonder how much of it is emotional also? I just want this year over but we’ve just got to wait it out and see where time takes us. Hard as it is I know that Beth will be in a good place next year. Definately a special school setting, just not sure of which one yet. She’ll be safe and hopefully happy and I can relax for another 6 years! Thanks for reading! xx

Beth saw the psychologist at Sensational Kids today. Paul ended up taking her as I had been up all night with a bit of a tummy bug. Rod had laringytis so wasn’t there either so Beth just saw Rebecca. Showing how comfortable she is there Paul said Rebecca introduced herself and Beth said “Hi Becky!”

Paul said it was fairly inconclusive as we don’t necessarily think that Beth knows the reason why she’s not happy at school at the moment. One suggestion made which was a good one is that the aide notes when incidents happen, also when things are going well in the classroom. Maybe if we have a record with times we may see a pattern or a certain time of day when they happen. She did suggest that Beth wear a hoodie as she was wearing one during their session. She pointed out that Beth could put this over her head and muffle out noise but her grade 6 jacket has a hood and she already does this.

I got a copy of the reports for our 6/7 review today. I knew they would be awful which is what was needed but still, they left me in tears. Things I wasn’t aware of such as her pulling up her top/pulling down her pants in the toilets and looking at her body in the mirror in front of other kids. It also broke my heart to read of her increasing solitude due to her losing her connection with her friends and her capacity to socialise. It states that her autistic behaviours have increased quite a bit since starting her period. It says that she lives very much in her own world and is socially disconnected from those around her. It says she is displahing signs on anxiety, confusion and aggression as she struggles to understand demands made on her and negotiate her way through each day. Basically it goes on and on in that vain. I knew that the report would be awful, we’ve been through it before and I was of course warned. During our meeting I had a brief look at these but sitting down reading all of the reports makes me feel sick in the guts. If I was reading this about another child I would feel such sorrow for them, it’s devastating to read it about your own child. It’s such shit that we as parents have to go through all of this just to get our kids a safe and happy education.

I emailed Rod from Sensational Kids yesterday asking if he could possibly try to get out of Beth the reason why she has so many anxieties this year. He told me that it may be a bit out of his range so suggested that we see a psychologist next time we are there. I decided to forgo our appointment with Whiskas (not her real name) – the Occupational Therapist as I think we really need to try to get to the core of the problem and made an appointment for straight after our speech session with Rod. I just want my little girl to be happy, especially in her last year of primary school. It needs to be a positive experience, not one that she looks back on with fear and worry.

Bethie seemed to have a good day today. It’s the school holidays coming up next week so she should be happy to get a bit of a break. I haven’t heard back from Emerson yet in regards to dual schooling. All I really would like is for us to start doing the transition days in term 3 instead of waiting for term 4 but I can’t see them budging. I get why they wait until term 4 with not knowing how much funding they get but it still doesn’t make the situation any easier. I’ll wait to speak with them and ask their advice. I’ll let you know how we go tomorrow.

I just had a brief informal meeting with our principal. Still trying to work out what’s the problem with Beth lately not wanting to go into the grade 6 room. We figured it could be a number of things. 1) She’s anxious about going to high school, 2) Her anxieties about going to high school have heightened her senses, therefore making the class too noisy, 3) the grade 6 room is at the end of the corridor, therefore having an outside door to contend with too, 4) kids move down the corridor to the grade 6 room then disappear from the school, 5) somebody is being mean to her. Really, we’re clutching at straws.

I’ve sent a message to Rod at Sensational Kids hoping that in our next session he could address Beth’s anxieties, or pass us on to the psychologist there who may be able to get the answers out.

Our principal read my blog over the weekend and made a point which I hadn’t really thought of. When I had mentioned that perhaps Beth didn’t really care if she finished her primary school years with her peers I didn’t take into account that maybe her peers might care, or even more so, her teachers. I hadn’t meant to imply that they wouldn’t, I just hadn’t thought about it from that side at all. They’ve all been with Beth for the last six and a half years and would want her to graduate with them. I’m just feeling so anxious about the whole situation and was venting my feelings out as I do.

We’ve got our meeting with the Education Department this afternoon at school. I’ve got reports from Sensational Kids, we’ve got the IQ test, the Vineland and whatever else we need to say how dreadful my child is! Unfortunately that’s what we need to a) get her an aide for the time she needs in high school or b) get her into Emerson. I’ll get a copy of those reports from the principal so that I can complete our application for Emerson. I’ve left a message for Rod at Emerson too, to discuss being accepted earlier than term 4. I don’t necessarily want to do dual schooling but I would like her to perhaps start going there one day a week in term 3? She can’t even start transitioning until term 4 if the decision isn’t made until then. It can’t hurt to ask can it?

I’m feeling a bit all over the place at the moment. One minute I’m feeling positive and looking forward to the future, the next minute I’m in tears, wondering what’s going on with my girl, what’s in her head that makes her not even want to go into her classroom at the moment? Has something happened, has somebody been mean to her? Or is it some noise that has been exaggerated in her head so much that she has to avoid the situation and place that it happened in? If the original issue hasn’t been noticed and it’s got this out of hand it’s unlikely that we can resolve it either. Beth herself can”t seem to tell me what the problem is and she may have even forgotten it’s origin, only knowing the fear she has and having to avoid the place at all costs.

I went to see the osteo this morning and was talking with him about it. I’ve known him now for about 6 years and used to take Beth to see him for cranio sacral therapy. I was explaining how I didn’t want Beth to miss out on graduating with her fellow grade 6 students and that if she did part time at Emerson this year then she’d get the  best of both worlds. Robin (the osteo) said, “not meaning to be rude but do you think she’d really care?” I thought about it and realised that maybe it’s me that’s the issue there. Maybe she in fact doesn’t care much about that side of things and it’s me who wants her to complete her primary school in a positive and fun way. But if she’s not enjoying going to school anyway, where’s the fun?

I’m in two minds about the idea of dual schooling. When Beth was at kindergarten she also went to an early intervention service called Irabina. When we had been at Irabina exclusively she really enjoyed going but when she went to both she grew to hate going to Irabina. Before this I had always planned sending Beth to a special school but when I saw how much she enjoyed mainstream kinder I realised that was what she needed. She would pick up the other autistic traits of the kids at Irabina and I feared that if she didn’t have the role modelling of so called normal kids she would get worse in her behaviours. I still don’t regret sending Beth to a mainstream school, especially our wonderful little school, but I think if I had the option I would have transferred Beth in grade 4 or 5 to a special setting, when the gap between her and the other kids at school began to widen. Anyway, that’s neither here nor there because we’ve muddled through and on the whole it’s still been a positive choice.

My concern with dual schooling is that it may scare her off of Emerson if she has both schools to go to. I think it will be difficult for her to adjust to not having a full time aide to start with, what if she realises she prefers going to our mainstream primary school and says that no, she wants to go back there full time. If she thinks that way then sending her there next year full time will be something we will both dread and her anxieties will go through the roof.

In a perfect world Beth would transition to Emerson with the kids she’ll school with next year, graduate with her peers this year and be looking forward to going off next year. Unfortunately that’s often a wishful pipe dream and I have to count on the worst and be pleasantly surprised if things work out. I’ll call Rod on Monday at Emerson and get his take on everything. Even if she was just to go there next year she’d have the transition days this year. If she was to dual school though I think it would be three days a week at Emerson and two days a week at mainstream. Is it worth it to get her through to next year? I just don’t know.